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“What, are you going to cry now? Hey, at least somebody made you come who didn’t pay for the honor. At least you have that to hold onto.”
My body stiffens when she grabs my arm. “I know why you’re doing this. I’m not stupid. You think you’re being noble or something, pushing me away, but really you are just making me feel like shit.”
“Right.” I yank my arm away, and her touch still burns. “Keep telling yourself that. Whatever you need to get you through this.”
“Stop it.” When I angle my body away from hers, she steps up in front of me, holding me by the shoulders. “Look at me. At least look at me. If you’re going to treat me this way, do it like a man. Look me in the eye.”
She’s killing me. I don’t know how much longer I can keep up this act. All I want is to take her in my arms and promise she doesn’t have to go, that I can stop this from happening. I want to save her.
I can’t. Not if I’m going to save my brother. That’s just how it has to be.
But I know she’s won’t stop until I give her what she wants, so I force myself to look into her eyes. They’re soft and full of tenderness. “I know why you’re doing this.”
“Oh, you do?” But even now, I don’t sound as sarcastic as I did before. I’m losing ground fast. I need to get out of this room, but I don’t think I can. And I don’t want to.
“You’re not like them.” She takes my face between her hands and stands on tiptoes to kiss me. I don’t kiss her back, but I don’t push her away, either. I’m not that strong. “You are not your father. You’re not like the other men. I feel it. Maybe I always did, and that’s why I couldn’t help liking you.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I’m not just saying it to make you feel bad or to get what I want. It’s the truth. I feel how different you are. You’re a good man, Elijah.”
But then she releases my face—I wish she wouldn’t—and squares her shoulders. “But you can’t help me, either. I know that, too.”
It’s the resignation in her voice that makes me sure my body’s going to tear itself in half. That’s what she’s doing to me, ripping me to pieces and making me question everything that was so important when I woke up this morning. Before I heard what she did, and knew we were getting pulled into it.
“Leona, I…”
She only touches her fingers to my lips and shakes her head, wearing a sad smile. ‘There’s one more thing you can do for me. I don’t want apologies, and I don’t need explanations. I just need you to hold me.”
She sits down on the bed, then moves over to make room for me. “Please? Just hold me until morning. Don’t make me go through the night alone. I promise, this time, I won’t do anything. I’m exhausted; I didn’t sleep at all last night. I don’t want to be alone. That’s all.”
It’s the least I can do. Dad’s probably passed out by now, and Tristan is staying with another family—Rebecca’s orders. She doesn’t want him to be around Leona. He might ask questions. She wouldn’t want that.
Without a word, I join her again, gathering her up in my arms after tying her ankle to the foot of the bed. She curls up, and I curl myself around her, protecting her the only way I can for as long as I can. “Go to sleep,” I whisper, and she sighs, snuggling against me.
It isn’t long before her breath slows and evens out. She must have been exhausted if it was so easy for her to fall asleep. I can only imagine after everything she’s been through.
Me? Something tells me I won’t get a wink tonight. I can’t even close my eyes. There’s too much guilt weighing on me, making me curse myself for not being strong enough to save her from what I know is coming.
I don’t deserve to sleep.
CHAPTER SIX
ELIJAH
It’s no surprise when the church bells start to ring, reminding us of where Rebecca and William expect us to be. The sun rose a while ago, and I watched it through the window. I was right. There was no sleeping last night.
My eyes burn, and my head feels like it’s packed with cotton, but I get up anyway because I still have things to do. Appearances that must be kept up, if only for Tristan’s sake. He could come back home at any minute to wash up for church, and I have to be ready for him. I know Dad won’t be.
“Go back to sleep,” I whisper to Leona when she stirs. “I’ll be back.”
She mumbles something—I don’t think she really woke up, only reacted to me getting up from the bed.
That’s good. Let her sleep. While she’s asleep, she’s away from all of this. It’s the only escape she has now.
I’m surprised to see Dad’s bedroom door open and his bed empty, but it all makes sense when I find him passed out on the couch downstairs with a half-empty whiskey bottle spilled on the floor. He must have gone downstairs for more once what he was drinking earlier ran out. Enough is never enough.
“Dad.” I shake him harder than I need to, knowing he’ll have a hangover after everything he consumed. So what if I caused him a little extra pain? How much pain has he brought us?
