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“Did he…” His words trail off and he swallows thickly. A giant of a man, my own warrior, and he can’t bring himself to say the words.
But I know what he’s asking. Every woman knows exactly what he’s asking.
“Yes. He touched me.”
A muscle ticks in his jaw, and a growl of anger and agony tears from his throat. He grabs my chin, his grip almost punishing, and turns my face up to his. “He’ll pay for this, Pcholka. I promise you. He. Will. Pay.”
“When, Kostya?” My voice breaks and I hate it. I hate the weakness in the emotion. Anger is better. I cling to my dreams of revenge and when I speak, my voice is stronger. “When will he pay? How much more of me will he take before he does?”
Violence ripples through him, anger blooming in red slashes over his sharp cheekbones. “He won’t take one more piece of you, Pcholka. He’ll never get near you again.”
I reach out while he’s distracted by his need for vengeance and trace my fingers over his full bottom lip. His taste is a part of me now, nothing will ever wash him away. “He takes even when he’s not here now. He made sure of it. Made sure I can never really escape him.”
He kisses my fingertip, all the reasons he clung to as to why he shouldn’t seemingly forgotten for this brief moment in time. “Nikolaj will win. I have no doubt he'll win.”
“Why do you have so much faith in him?”
He lifts his face, jutting out his chin with a hint of pride. “Because he's smart, cunning, and maddeningly patient. But also, he has a level of compassion for his family that is unmatched. He didn’t get it from your father.”
“Mama,” I whisper. Nothing has been the same since I lost her. Since this life took her from us by whittling away who she was until all that was left was a shell of a woman plagued with paranoia. It happened so fast. In less than a year, she went from being full of life with endless energy and the best hugs to a hollowed out version of herself with no life in her eyes. And just when I thought I couldn’t take looking at Mama one more day, she ended it by throwing herself from a cliff into the sea at our vacation villa.
Women in the Bratva break. They always break.
I’ve never been able to look at the ocean since.
“Yes. Your mother.” He lets go of my hand and settles against the wall next to me with a wince on the cold, mercilessly hard stone beneath him. The stubborn ass should just get in the bed. It’s big enough for both of us, but nope. That fucking honor slides right back into place.
“But Nikolaj is still a man. Even if he wins and rises to power. I’m still the princess of the Romanoff empire—just a bargaining chip. If you don’t think he'll default to those old fucking moves and reduce me to something that is passed between families, then you haven’t been paying attention.”
His gaze snaps to mine, his eyes full of challenge. “You think so little of me.”
“You’re one man against a centuries-old force, Kostya. One man.” A smile teases my lips at the look of sheer disgust on his face. God, how he hates being reminded he’s human. “And from where you’ve all kept me perched, I’ve had nothing but time to see what no one else can.”
His body stills. He almost looks relaxed, but looks are deceiving. He’s spent years softening his hard edges around me, protecting me from the brutalness of our world. But I’ve seen it despite the ways he tries to hide it. And sometimes, it’s he who’s hidden from me under the stifling darkness engulfing me.
“What did you see, Pcholka?”
“Tradition demands Nikolaj use me to attain power. He’s formed from this same poison I am. And while we may be better than our brother, purer of heart, more honorable when it comes down to it, we will do what needs to be done. That’s why I put my own price tag on my virginity. Because I know, if it came down to saving the empire, he would fucking trade me or sell me for what’s mine. And I’m terrified I will fall in line just like the women before me.”
I’m gasping now, the agonizingly slow death of my spirit over the course of the years looming before me. But this one thing… this one experience. It can be mine. I need it to be mine.
“To the rest of you, I’m a means to an end. Nothing more.”
“You’ve never been a means to an end to me. Never.”
“But is it enough to stop you from doing your duty?” When he grimaces, I shake my head. “Don’t answer that. I already know. But hearing it from your lips would cut too deep, Kostya.” I blink away the moisture in my eyes and meet his eyes. “My virginity, that was the one thing I had that I wanted to be mine and mine alone.”
Exhaustion engulfs me and in the looming silence, my heavy eyelids sink closed, but it’s okay. He’s here. He’s protecting me. Today I’m mine. Tomorrow, I just don’t know. I sink under the covers deeper, stealing every bit of warmth I can for a chill that never quite escapes me. I have no money, no friends, nothing to help me in my escape, but none of that matters. I have to go. I just need one opportunity, whether it comes from their complacency or utter chaos, it doesn’t matter. The unknown is a dark swath, but for now, I have the oblivion of sleep, where the dreams of him come.
The only place I can have him as I truly want him.
It’s in this place without time, without space, where he sheds duty and touches me. Every glide of his fingers over my skin awakening my nerve endings before setting me on fire. I’m growing in a sea of light-headedness as his lips trail over me, tracing the path of his fingers.
Darting out his tongue, he drags along the valley between my breasts, his gaze dark, seductive, and never leaving mine.
The ache for him runs so deep it takes my breath away. Unable to bear another minute of his torture, I reach for the one place he’s avoided touching. Wet and throbbing, the minute I find my clit, I’m grinding against my fingers, a cry tearing—
“Wake up!”
