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He continues, “You must remember her. She’s Estelle Gibbs—”
I interject a little bit louder than my normal tone. “She probably doesn’t remember me. I left during junior year, right, Carter?”
Carter finds my comment weird, but he still smiles. “Right. Well, Estelle, this is Ruby Dickens. She’s the guidance counselor of our former school now.”
Ruby Dickens studies my face and expression, already seeing through my lies during these first five seconds. Perhaps she already knows that I’m a fraud, but thankfully, she fakes a smile. “Estelle, hi.”
I reply with a shaky breath. “Hi… Ruby.”
I can see her puzzled expression as she tries hard to recognize me in the hidden corners of her mind. Obviously failing, she says, “Well, now that you’re both here, how about we call some of the old crew for some drinks? I’m sure they’d love to catch up!”
Carter nods enthusiastically. “Sounds great!”
Ruby looks at him and then me. “Well, I’ll see you both at the parking lot. I’ll just grab my things.”
I don’t realize I’ve been holding my breath until Ruby exits the room.
I let out a shaky breath and have to grab the nearest chair to hold my weight up. Unfortunately, Carter notices this.
He jogs toward me. “Are you okay?”
I feel my mouth going dry with all the lies I’ve spewed. “Y-yeah. I think I’m just getting a little… exhausted. I think I’m going to pass with… grabbing drinks with the others.”
“What? But I’m sure you’d also love to meet them.”
“Y-yeah, I just… I’m just feeling slightly dizzy.”
“Well, okay.” He looks around as if looking for an on-the-spot solution. “Well, we could go home. I’ll give Ruby a call and tell her—”
“No, you should stay here. I’ll go.”
“I’m not going to let you leave on your own.”
“I’m going to be fine.”
“Estelle,” he argues. “I’m not letting you go home on your own. I can always cancel grabbing drinks—”
“But you shouldn’t!” I finally break. I feel my breathing get heavier as I let the truth out. This time, not pausing as I speak. “You shouldn’t cancel on your friends for me because—because I’m not the Estelle Gibbs you knew, whoever she is. I didn’t go here at Jefferson High, and we weren’t classmates in American History. I just said we were because I was lonely the night we met! And I kept lying about it because I thought I wasn’t going to see you again! But then, last night…”
I falter, slightly choking on my words. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that I want to keep seeing him now. Not after I just told him about my lie.
So, I turn on my heels, heading for the classroom's back door. “I’m so sorry, Carter.”
I try to find my way out of the building as I hold back tears from falling as they blur my vision.
Following the crowd of kids wearing backpacks, I manage to get out into the early evening, not getting the chance to appreciate the purple sky above me.
It doesn’t matter now—not when I humiliated myself in the worst way possible. Again.
It doesn’t matter that, by now, he’s seen me when I was drunk, heartbroken, or out of my mind. What matters is that I lied to him.
I lied to him when all he ever had for me were good intentions.
As I find myself walking onto the street, I hear a car slow down next to me; it’s Carter’s.
“Estelle,” he calls out my name.
I can see him from my periphery, but I continue looking straight ahead, not wanting him to see me on the verge of tears.
