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After few minutes, his hand came to my breasts to squeeze. I was startled again and pulled back. Aleksei didn’t let go but asked, “Is this okay?” When I didn’t answer, he whispered to my ear, “I want you, Kira.”
Those words should have made me aroused or happy, I guessed, but they didn’t. They frightened me. I was not ready to have sex. I was terrified of having sex with Aleksei even though, at that point, I believed I was in love with him.
When I said “no,” he again told me it was okay but stood up from the sofa and told me to finish the movie alone. I followed him. He gave me a goodnight kiss on the lips and told me he needed to leave for work again. He was going to be gone for almost two weeks. Then he disappeared into his room.
I was on the brick of crying. I didn’t want to be left alone. I wanted him with me. I didn’t want to be punished. So, I followed him into his room. I kissed him. I pushed him to the bed. It made me feel awful, but I couldn’t blame Aleksei because it was my choice.Idid all those things.
He stripped himself and me naked very fast. He bit down every part of my body, calling me praises. I wanted to disappear, but I still couldn’t blame him because when he lined himself into me and asked me if I was sure, I said, “Yes.”
I have felt many different pains since then, but I still remember the pain from my first time. He was not slow; he got in me with two thrusts. When he was in me, he groaned and started to pound into me fast. He didn’t even give me time to adjust. It felt like my insides were getting ripped off.
I couldn’t help my cries back then. I was young, and I had never experienced such crucial pain. I told Aleksei that it was hurting. He kept going and told me it was normal for my first time.
I pleaded him to go slow.
He didn’t. He only whispered into my ear as his weight pushed me down to the mattress, “I can’t go slow, Birdie. You are so tight. You feel so good.”
I cried and cried, and he kept talking towards my ear, “I should have fucked you before.”
He pressed my thighs even wider, droving deeper into me, hurting me more. Then he came inside of me. I had to take a Plan B the next day because I was not on birth control yet.
Aleksei cleaned me up afterward, looking at my blood like it was some kind of gift. I bleed for three days. He didn’t care about it back then. He fucked me every night for a week until he again left me alone because I didn’t want to do anal.
He always made sure to make me feel like it was my choice. I told him yes every time, and because of that, I always only blamed myself for the pain. When I got to the age that I finally understood how he groomed me and manipulated me, it was too late. When I decided to run away, it was too late. Then he just trapped my hands on my back and raped me in the alleyway.
I felt my cheek was wet and realized that I was crying. I closed my eyes and did what I did every time I hurt too much since the night Aleksei raped me for the first time. I pictured soft brown eyes looking at me. The eyes of the man I hated. The eyes of my salvation.
Now I could imagine even more. I imagined his hand on my cheek. I imagined his golden hair. I imagined him in his sweatpants and smiled. Aleksei and his friends never came to my house like that. They always came with their suits, got naked, and wore them back before leaving. I imagined how he made me sandwiches. All those simple things made my heart flutter. Nothing in my life was simple. I wanted it. I craved it.
I loved everything simple Gabriele gave me.
Gabriele
I felt fucking awful leaving Kira alone. Every time she looked at me with that broken expression, it hurt like hell. I wanted to ruin everyone who broke her.
And that was the reason I left her alone.
I locked her in her room again. I really didn’t like that either, but I couldn’t risk her hurting herself again. I had to keep her safe, and I had to erase all those suicidal thoughts from her head. A psychologist might tell me it was not that easy, and I was not equipped for it, but I didn’t give a fuck. I had to keep her alive. Otherwise was unthinkable.
When I was in Michele’s apartment, he asked me what I got. Asked me what I had learned from Kira. We could have made a plan together. He would probably make good attribution and make it more logical, but I couldn’t tell him what I learned. I didn’t want him to know what I knew.
Kira told those things to me because she was a captive because I could have taken them with torture. Yet. I couldn’t find it in me to not care. After she let me touch her, it felt like she trusted me.
I was a fool when it came to Kira Kozlov, and I didn’t have the power to change that.
“I am going to attack who is close to him,” I said to Michele.
He arched a brow. “His family?”
I shook my head. I tried to seem calm, but my insides were moving with burning rage towards Smirnoff and excitement for revenge. “His friends.”
Michele seemed confused, but I couldn’t focus on him because of all the adrenaline in my body and instead started pacing in his living room.
His attention was on me, though. “Why are we attacking his friends?”
“Because they are the one keeping him in power. He is not even half as good as his father, but still, Bratva listens to him. He has a good backup. We will ruin the backup.”
“If that was the plan, why the fuck did we kidnap his mistress?”
