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I tried to shake off those thoughts and focus on Priscilla. It was less hurtful to stay in the moment. Pushing off the reality worked too well because my life here was just too perfect.
“We can make a list for guards to get,” I said and reached for one of the small papers and pens on the kitchen island. “What do you want?”
Priscilla closed the refrigerator door and leaned against it. Her bottom lip poked out as she thought. “We need strawberries, cherries, and melon. Oh God, I would love some melon.”
I wrote down the things she said. “What else?”
“A lot of potato chips. I am planning a romance movie marathon.”
I wrote down that too. “Am I invited?”
She smiled brightly. “Of course, you are, but I don’t think Gabriele is going to enjoy it. Well, he will watch it for you, though.”
I smiled down at the paper because I knew he really would. He hated every movie Priscilla liked but did sit down through a few of them just because I wanted to see it, and he wanted to be near me. He really considered being close to me something to cherish.
I couldn’t find it too weird, though, because being close to him was something amazing for me too. We were like magnets. We wanted to stick together and fought off everything that could separate us.
Everything but death.
“Gosh, I also need pads,” Priscilla said right then, rescuing me from my own thoughts. “Do you need them too? I saw Gabriele gave you mine, but they must have been all gone. Did he buy you more?”
I did use all the pads that were left in my room, but I didn’t need more. “I didn’t buy more. They were enough.” Still, I added pads for Priscilla and tampons for myself to the list because I was going to need them soon. Probably.
“How come you didn’t need more. There were not many. You should have had your period like two or three times.”
Okay, that was too many periods. I was only here for a month? “I didn’t have it again. It has not been that long, and I am not very regular. I should have it soon, though.” my brows came together, and I looked up to Priscilla. “How long has it been since I came here. I don’t have a phone or a calendar.” I felt like Gabriele would give me both if I wanted to, but I didn’t. I only wanted a password to his Netflix and some books to buy.
Priscilla’s eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Kira, you have been here for longer than two months. Did you really not have your period?”
I felt a lump in my throat but swallowed it. It was a stupid thought anyway. But I really didn’t realize it had been that long. “I was always irregular.”
“Of course, you were!” she got out a little too loud than I was expecting. “You were like starving, Kira. That causes irregular periods. Now you eat, though. Two months is too long.”
The lump in my throat came back. “Do you think I am…?”
She threw her hands in the air. “I don’t know. Is there a chance?”
Is there a chance for me to be pregnant? Well, if you counted having unprotected sex almost every night for the last two months a chance of getting pregnant, yes.
Fuck me.
I knew it was something stupid when I did it, but I never thought this could happen. I was going to die, and all I thought about was that. I thought it would only take a month or so. I never thought I could live long enough to get pregnant.
This was horrible because this was not my first time. I already experience this. I already knew what was going to happen, and it was horrible.
There was no way I could again go through them sucking my baby out of me.
My eyes filled with tears with the horrible memory. It happened to me twice, and both times they dragged me into a clinic despite all my tears and killed my baby. I could not take it again. I could not let my baby die.
This time would hurt even more because the dad was someone I actually loved. I had to find a way to make this right.
While my tears started sliding to my cheeks, I felt Priscilla’s arms around me. I held onto her and cried, making her blouse all wet with my tears. She didn’t care. She only held me tighter. I was lucky to have her, but other than that, there was nothing lucky about my situation.
She pulled back a little and kissed my temple. “It is okay, Kira. We don’t know if it is that.” then she kissed my other temple. “You know what? I’ll go myself and get you a few tests. We should be sure before we react, okay.”
“Okay,” I murmured, but it was all mumbled up to Priscilla’s shoulder.
She brushed my hair back from my face. “Can I leave you alone? I don’t want to tell the guards to get it. They would tell Gabriele.”
