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He gritted his teeth and let out a breath from his nose like he could not take it. He had no right to be angry at me. “It clearly is not what I want!”
“And what do you want, Gabriele?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Tell me.”
He shook his head. “If I tell you, you’ll hate me.”
“Tell me!” I repeated this time, shouting at him. “Tell me so I can hate you.”
I could see all the veins in his neck, and he was breathing so hard. If I didn’t know him, I would think he was going to hit me. But despite everything, I knew that was something he would never do.
“Tell you?” he murmured and let out a sad laugh. “Tell you what I want? Okay, let me tell you what I want. I want to keep you in this penthouse. I want to trap you in every way I can. I want my ring on your finger and my baby in your belly. I want to keep you, Kira. I want to keep youforever.”
I looked at him, blinking. I couldn’t even believe my ears. I thought he wanted to kill our baby and he was here telling me he wanted to keep me. He wanted to keep me even though that was a horrible idea.
He looked at my stunned face and shook his head. “But I can’t. I can’t do what they did to you. I can’t trap you, Kira. So, if you want to get an abortion, I will find you a clinic and hold your hand throughout the whole thing. Even though it would ruin me.”
My eyes filled with tears, but I was not going to cry. I cried enough times in my life. This was not something to cry about. This was something to cherish. “You are not going to force me to get rid of it?”
This time when he looked at me. He looked feral but also sad. “Force you? Do you believe I would force you into anything, especially this?”
I looked down in embarrassment. He never gave me any reason to believe he would, but I could not believe the Capo of the East Coast would want to have a child with a Russian. I had to explain. “I thought you can’t afford a bastard child.”
“Do you think that is what comes to my mind when I think about our child? I never thought about it as abastard, Kira. I only thought about it as ours, and it made me so fucking happy.”
That was what I thought as well. I thought my previous ones as mine, but this one was ours, and it made it even more precious.
“I know,” I murmured. I didn’t want him to think he was the reason I doubted him. He was never the reason. It was just my past. “It happened to me before.”
He slowly stepped closer. “You got pregnant before?” he asked carefully.
I looked up at his eyes, pleading for him to come closer. And even without words, he heard me and stepped closer until he was in front of me.
“I did. Two times.”
Gabriele gently cupped my face and let me hold onto him. He was trying to soothe me, but I could tell he was tense. His head was filling with the thoughts of how I got pregnant before. “What happened to them?”
“They forced me to get an abortion for both of them.” Tears were filling my eyes with the horrible memory. I needed it to be gone. I needed Gabriele to make it better. “The second time, it was Ivan who took me,” I started, and Gabriele tensed. He hugged me to his chest. He knew something fucked up was coming.
“I was in so much pain, and I was crying because my heart was shattered. I was crying because I had lost my baby and he found it so funny. He laughed at me.” Tears started falling from my eyes to Gabriele’s t-shirt. “And then when we were home, he found it arousing. He told me I looked so sexy when I cried. I couldn’t stop because my pain was just too deep. That only made him enjoy it more. He started jerking off watching me.” Gabriele cursed, but I couldn’t stop telling the story. It was one that was so hard to bury. “He jerked off into my face when I was crying for my dead baby. And he kept talking. He called me stupid for crying. He told me I was a slut and I could never be a mother.” A painful sob escaped me. “He told me any baby of mine was destined to die.”
Gabriele pressed my head into his chest. “No, darling, no.” He kissed my hair as I cried. He brushed my tears away. He tucked me into his body so that the memories could disappear. So that they could no longer hurt me.
He filled me with his scent, his warmth, and his love.
“This baby is going to live, Kira. I promise you no one can take him away from you. Not even me.”
I believed him; I always believed him. I wanted to stay in his arms forever. He was safe. He was my hero.
“He is gone,” he so softly whispered. “He can never hurt you again. No one can ever hurt you.”
I pulled back just a little to look up at his brown eyes. They gave me peace and calm. I smiled a little smile and nodded. “I know.”
Gabriele
I let Kira cry into me again. She cried a lot, and every time she took a piece of my heart with her tears. I didn’t care, though. It belonged to her anyway. She could ruin it all she wanted. I just wanted her pain gone.
