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At night I went to sleep with Kira’s naked body in my arms. Thoroughly pleased and madly in love.
There was no other for me in this life.
There was no other for me in any other life.
In the morning, though, my bed was empty. She could be downstairs cooking me breakfast. She could be in the bathroom taking a shower. She could be in the apartment somewhere.
But I knew she was not. I knew the envelope she threw last night was gone. I knew she was on her way to the airport.
I knew because there was the small pot with forget-me-nots on my bedside table.
Forgetting Kira?
I gritted my teeth, and as my eyes filled with tears, I whispered painfully, “Like I can ever.”
Chapter 19
Kira
Moscow was cold. It was cold in a way I never forgot. The cold brought me good memories.
I didn’t think I had any good memories left. But turned out that they were just forgotten.
I remembered playing in the park with my friends. I remembered hanging out with my friends. I remembered going ice-skating with my mom. I remembered being happy.
Now I understood the meaning of those flowers my mother gave me. It was not about her. It was about all this. She wanted me to remember this. She wanted me to remember I was happy once. I was capable of being happy.
She wanted me to remember that one day I could come back here.
I forgot, though. I forgot all of it. When they tormented me, I didn’t have my memories to hold onto. I didn’t have anything. So, I had to create something. I had to hold onto the eyes of a stranger. Only now I saw how stupid that was.
But for some reason, it worked.
Maybe my soul always knew who he was. Maybe we didn’t need to know someone to fall for them. Maybe destiny was there to decide for us.
It hurt to leave Gabriele. It hurt too damn much, but that was what I needed to do because he was right. He was right that I was not really free. I was attached to him. He didn’t keep me like Aleksei did, but I kept myself. I healed only because he was close. I could leave my fears only because I trusted him.
I needed to be able to do those on my own. I had to have my own wings. I could not lean on him to be my wings forever. It was not healthy. Not for me and not for him.
I had to left even though it shredded my heart into pieces. This was better.
When I landed in Moscow, I didn’t immediately go to my mother’s house even though I had the address. I had more important things to do. First things first, I needed to find a place to stay and get some decent clothes. I was here to stay after all.
Also, I needed to book a doctor’s appointment. I haven’t gone to a doctor in New York, so it had to be done fast. I had to be sure my baby was healthy. It was the most important thing to me right now.
I used the card Gabriele gave to me for everything. I was going to get a job soon, but until then, I had no other choice. I was a captive for twelve years. I had nothing to my name.
Gabriele had more money than I could finish anyways. This was going to be the last thing he would care about. He was going to care about me leaving more, and the knowledge tightened my chest so much. Even though I was sure I did the right thing, it didn’t make things easier.
I knew he could track me with the card but didn’t care about that. I knew he was not going to come for me. He did something no one had ever done before.
He set me free.
After I went to the doctor, some of my pain eased out. She told me my baby was healthy. She also told me I was six weeks along, and I was able to hear my baby’s heartbeat. Not having his father with me stung, but it was hard to be sad while I was listening to the heartbeat. It was my dream. It was beautiful.
I cried during the session.
I thought about sending a voice recording to Gabriele, but even though I got a new phone, I didn’t have his number. It was for the best because I knew contacting him would ruin the purpose of leaving.
