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Could I even get pregnant so soon after?
I reached for my phone, and without looking at the time, I facetimed Kira. She opened it with a smiling face, but I didn’t even let her say hello. “Can I be pregnant?”
Probably my face was horrified because Kira’s blue eyes filled with worry. “Hey, are you okay?”
I didn’t have time for small talk. I got out of the bed and reached for my pink robe. “I haven’t had my period for two months.”
“Hey,” Kira said softly. “Prisy, sit down for a second.”
My heart was beating so fast in my chest. I had never even thought about this, and now it was just too much. I knew I could not erase the thought, but I also didn’t want to get my hopes up. I didn’t want to see a negative test.
It was hell.
“Priscilla, sit down,” Kira repeated, and this time I obeyed. I sat on the floor next to the bed. I couldn’t even look at the screen. My mind was filled with so many horrible thoughts. I couldn’t help but remember the terrible feeling when I had my miscarriage.
It was supposed to feel like a heavy period, but it didn’t.
It felt like losing my baby.
My heart squeezed. “I can’t,” I murmured. I can’t lose another baby.
“You don’t have to,” Kira said with a hard tone. I could barely see her face through my tears. “It is okay if you are not ready to get pregnant again. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want. If Antonio will push you to have this baby, I’ll come there and kick him in the balls. I’ll kidnap you here.”
Damn, I loved Kira.
I loved that I had people who would have my back no matter what. I always hid my emotions from them, but if I changed my mind about that, they were ready to just accept it. They were ready to help carry my burden.
They were always there to help me.
I realized how similar Antonio and I were. I wished his family was like mine. I wished they accepted him in every way as well.
The thought of Antonio calmed my heart a bit. It always pushed my bad thoughts away. It filled me with love.
His family was wrong about him, but mine was no different. I loved how Kira reacted, but she got it all wrong. Antonio pushing me for anything was not the source of my stress.
I took a deep breath and looked at the screen. She looked so worried. “I am not getting rid of my baby. I want a baby.”
“Then what is the problem?”
I shook my head as the back of my eyes burned. “I am just afraid to hope. And if I am pregnant, I am afraid to fail again.”
“Prisy, no,” Kira said quickly. “You didn’t fail.”
“I did,” I answered as the tears escaped my eyes. “My baby died. I failed.”
“No, no, no, don’t say that. It was not your fault. You didn’t fail anything.”
I knew her words made sense, but the feeling didn’t go away. It felt like my fault. It felt like I was responsible for my baby’s death. It felt like I didn’t deserve a child.
I didn’t say that to her. Antonio was the only person I shared that horrible feeling inside of me.
“I am just scared,” I whispered.
“Do you want me to come?” Kira asked so casually, like she was living next door. “It will take a few hours, but I can come.”
I shook my head. Even opening up like this was hard for me. I couldn’t let her leave her own baby and fly here just because I was having a breakdown. It was my problem, not hers.
I swiped the tears with the back of my hand. “I just need to take a test.” I swallowed and asked, “Should I take it with Antonio here.” The last time I didn’t tell him anything until I was sure, but this time was different. This time I was just too damn nervous.
