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He never lost contact with me after I got dressed in the doctor’s office. He held my hand as we walked silently to the car. He put a hand on my knee as he drove, and when we parked in our garage, he just lifted me in his arms and carried me to our apartment and then the bathroom. He washed me, dried my skin so carefully, brushed my hair, and then blow-dried it. He dressed me in his shirt and then carried me to our bed so he could braid my hair.
We never talked through all of it like the words were going to ruin all the calmness. We needed peace for a while.
We didn’t need to talk anyway as long as we touched.
The scene we were in was very regular for us. It made it so safe.
I couldn’t help but remember another time we were like this. I was between his legs, and he was braiding my hair. I was pregnant.
The back of my eyes burned, but I didn’t let any tears fall. That moment was beautiful until it was ruined, but I knew this time was different. This was not going to be ruined because we had already defeated the devil.
I rubbed my belly, trying to shoo the bad memories.
Antonio tied my braid, and one of his hands covered my hand, his thumb brushing the soft skin of my stomach. He pressed an assuring kiss to the nape of my neck.
Everything is okay,he said with the kiss.
We are safe.
I’ll protect both of you.
He was able to say those things with the brush of his thumb and press of his lips to my skin because his touch mattered. Touching always mattered more to us than words. Words needed bravery he didn’t possess.
So, instead, he touched me because I could hear his words embedded in those touches.
After I pressed myself back into his body, I wriggled in his hold. He pulled back, letting me turn around. When I did, I lifted my legs over his, and Antonio held me by my calves and pulled me into him. His hands settled on my thighs, and I put mine on his broad shoulders.
Antonio kissed my neck. “Do you want to sleep?”
I shook my head.
Something sad passed his eyes, and he kissed my cheek to shake it off. “Do you want to talk?”
This time I nodded.
We needed to talk. Really talk. Touches were good. We spoke with our touch, but we could not avoid words forever.
“Okay,” he murmured, looking down. “Let’s talk.”
I opened my mouth to say something. I didn’t know what I wanted to say first. I wanted to tell him how stupid our previous fight was. I wanted to ask him how he could face death for me. I wanted to ask him about the words he uttered as he carried me in the forest.
I had so many things to say, but Antonio beat me. Before a sound could escape my mouth, he looked up and said, “I am sorry.”
Huh?
That was not something I was expecting.
My brows came together. “For what?”
Antonio looked at me with confusion and a little sadness. So many emotions were in there, but it didn’t make me even slightly happy because he looked at me like I was mocking him. He looked hurt. I didn’t want to hurt him.
“For what?” he repeated like it was so obvious. “For everything, Priscilla. For treating you worse than you deserve. For accusing you yesterday.” His voice cracked at his next words, “For failing you twice now.”
None of it was true. There is no reason for him to apologize. I cupped his face and looked at the desperation in his features. It broke my heart. “Antonio,” I murmured and then kissed his cheek. “You never failed me.”
He shook his head. “I failed to protect you. I failed twice, Priscilla. I don’t even know how you can forgive me.”
“There is nothing to forgive.” My vision turned blurry with tears. “You were ready to die for me, Antonio. That is not failing someone.”
