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I couldn’t ask him if he didn’t trust me. I didn’t get the chance to ask him if this was not a real marriage to him.
The first night he came back home early, I didn’t want to bother him, and after that, I got my period. Michele was still texting me about how Antonio didn’t trust me, and I was just a way to an alliance for him. My period added only pain on top of that. I got it a week late, which was later than normal. I was internally hoping to be pregnant but didn’t take a test since I knew I was going to get too sad if it was negative.
Realizing I was not pregnant again made me too self-conscious. I wanted to ask Antonio about his work. I wanted him to put effort into making this a real marriage. I wanted to tell him he should at least give me what he promised.
But I didn’t have a right to do that. I was not able to give him what I had promised. Even though he comforted me the first time I got my period, he might be disappointed with me for taking so long now. He might even use that against me if I started a fight.
So, I didn’t do that. I was afraid of confronting him. I just blocked Michele’s number and tried to silence my horrible thoughts. I tried to focus on all the good things.
It was not going well until Antonio told me we were going to the Lake House for a late birthday celebration for Bella. We were going to be there for the weekend. It was the best news. I hoped the vacation could maybe bring us together. It might just make things better for us.
Though my mind was nowhere focused on the vacation right now. I only got some pink on the pad I put the night before. It was the third day of my period, and it was still so very light. I thought maybe it was coming slowly, but this was too much. My periods were never this light. This was nothing more than spotting.
In the end, it caused me to sit down with a pregnancy test in my hand for an hour. I wanted to know if I was really pregnant. I actually wanted to know before our vacation this weekend. I could see myself announcing the news during our trip and then having a heart-to-heart with Antonio. Maybe it would solve all of our problems. Maybe he would even tell me he loved me.
I would break down too much if I was not, though. I might be sad throughout the whole trip.
For an hour, I weighed my decisions. Taking the test was a big challenge to my mental health, but I realized not taking it was also the same. I would be too anxious during the vacation if I didn’t know. Getting a negative result sounded too terrifying, but I hoped that maybe the vacation would help with that. Maybe it would cheer me up.
After my long thought process, I decided to take it. I took three since that was what they recommended. Also, I was using those tests for early pregnancy. I didn’t want to risk it.
I had the most stressful minutes of my life as I waited for the results of the test, though. I wished Antonio was with me, but when I remembered it could be negative, I was relieved he was not here. He was always so careful with me, but I couldn’t bear even the idea of him looking at me with disappointment. This was truly torture, and I had to go through it myself. I could call one of my friends, invite Mia or Bella, but I didn’t want to burden anyone else with my problems. I never had, and I wasn’t planning to do that anytime in the future.
When the time was up and the alarm on my phone went off, I flinched at the voice and turned it off almost immediately. I could feel my body shudder with fear and anxiety. The tests were resting on the counter, and I was sitting on the floor. I so slowly pushed to my feet, my back to the counter. I twisted my fingers nervously and slowly turned back.
I looked down at the tests, and my heart almost ripped my ribcage.
All three of them were positive.
I was not convinced by three tests, though. I mean, they made me so immensely happy, but I needed to check it out with my OBGYN.
Since I came here, I found a new OBGYN and actually only visited her once before for a check-up. This time though, it was actually an important matter. Also, it was not easy to visit her under the radar.
I had to take Dario with me everywhere I went, and there was no doubt he was going to inform Antonio about me visiting the hospital. I didn’t want to talk to him about this if I was not really pregnant, and I also didn’t want to lie to him.
Even if I was, in fact, pregnant, I wanted to tell him on my terms and not because Dario informed him. He was too damn loyal to him that it was impossible to keep secrets from Antonio.
So, I called Bella ten minutes after I saw three positive tests.
Mia and I were more similar to each other, so we were a bit closer, but she was Antonio’s sister, and I was not sure if she would keep my secret. I was sure Bella would, though. She was a very trustworthy person. Also, I knew she was very close to her bodyguard. It meant he would help us with our little secret mission.
Another reason I wanted her beside me was that she already had a child, so she was familiar with the process. Maybe it meant nothing, but I was filled with anxiety, so my decisions were out of questioning. I just went with my feelings.
Bella picked up after three rings. “Hello.”
I mumbled, “Hi, Bella.”
“Is something wrong?” she asked with alarm in her voice. Damn, was it that obvious?
“I was going to ask for a favor.”
“Of course.”
I loved that she was so ready to help. “I need you to take me with your car. I need to go to the hospital, but I don’t want Dario to tell Antonio.”
Her voice still held worry. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, yes, I am fine. I just…” I answered quickly. “I need to go to my OBGYN.”
