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I do that a lot these days. Since he gave me that amazing orgasm and told me we could visit L.A., all the complicated emotions I had got even more complicated. I didn’t want to accept what they really were. I didn’t want to say it, even internally. Sometimes I wished he was the asshole I thought he would be in the beginning, even though I knew it was crazy.
Valerio made me happy. He did everything to put a rare smile on my face, and recently I couldn’t stop myself from giving him more of them. I still glared and rolled my eyes at him. I had never been a softie, but in the last few days, I let Valerio be soft with me. It felt like he didn’t care about my jabs as long as I let him wash my hair after sex.
I would have never guessed Valerio “the Monster” Vasile would enjoy such things, but he did. Sometimes he came home with missed blood traces on his skin and darkness in his eyes, but he still kept it away from me. He made jokes, fought me for orgasms, and then put me to bed gently.
At least I still didn’t let him into my bed. We never slept in the same bed. That was just too much.
All the things he said actually made me trust him less. He was just too good to be true. The life he promised me every day was not realistic at all. I was mostly waiting for the ball to drop like it always did.
It was just that I couldn’t help but enjoy this until that came, and I tried my best to make sure I was not going to get too badly hurt.
Valerio was definitely keeping some secrets as I did. He was harboring darkness inside him, and despite all my hardness, I was terrified that darkness was going to ruin me worse than the last time I was ruined.
The landing was smooth, and despite my worries, I couldn’t wait to go to my parent’s mansion and see Elsie. I missed her too much. So when the plane door opened, I almost ran to the car waiting for us. Valerio chuckled at my enthusiasm, but I ignored him like I did most of the time.
“We are invited for dinner,” Valerio said when we were in the limo. Like I ignored him, he didn’t care about being ignored. He usually just kept talking. “After getting ready at the hotel, we will go to the house, and we will leave when you are ready. I don’t trust your father enough to sleep in his house.”
“Makes sense.”
He laughed, but the sound came tense. “I am surprised he didn’t come here to welcome us.”
“Do you really think my father is that excited to see me?” I raised my eyebrows. “Or you?”
“He was really excited when I called to say we were coming. I guess he thought I was returning you.”
Despite Valerio’s mocking tone, those words got into my head. I was already suspicious of him wanting to visit back so soon. My father’s guess wouldn’t be the most ridiculous thing. Valerio played my father. He could very well play me.
“Fucking really, Luce?” Valerio said with a harsh voice, and I realized how tense I looked and how I froze up.
I tried to gather myself, but it was hard. I shrugged and looked away, hoping to get my cold mask. “It just makes sense.”
Valerio sighed. “What do I have to do to get just a fraction of your trust, Luciana?”
I remained silent because even I didn’t know the answer to that. I was afraid there was no way for me to ever trust Valerio, and that would make my life more miserable than it already was.
Valerio
The strain between Luce and me remained in the hotel. Usually, I would be the one breaking the tension, but I didn’t. Instead, I gave her a chance. She remained silent, and I did the same. I wanted her to give me an answer.
But she didn’t.
I helped her zip her dress up. I didn’t glare. I spoke when it was necessary, but I didn’t make a joke. I didn’t kiss her or try to initiate sex just to annoy her. I couldn’t do those things when I was frustrated at how all my efforts were turning up useless.
Usually, I felt things were going well, but every now and then, she did something like this. She let the voices fill my head. They kept telling me how weak I was for giving a woman this much power over me. They told me that I was trying for nothing. However, the worst was his voice. I kept hearing him call me his little monster. No one was going to love that monster ever. I hated that the most.
So, I waited for her to tell me something.
Luce had her own demons. I knew even though I never asked because I was not ready to share mine in return. I understood her, but I also needed something small. I wanted her to tell me she wanted to trust me.
She didn’t say a thing.
Normally I would have to hold it longer, but the situation was not the best. We were going to his father’s house, and I didn’t want that scum to sense anything was wrong between us. More importantly, I didn’t want Luce to feel alone facing her biggest vulnerability.
Just when the car stopped in front of the mansion, I wrapped and handed around hers. Luce looked at me with wide brown eyes. “No matter what he does or says, remember that I am on your side, okay?”
Just for a second, her eyes shined, but she blinked them back. She didn’t smile, but her eyes filled with affection. I didn’t need smiles when I had that expression. “We are a team.”
“We are a fucking team, baby.”
