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I wondered how I felt. This dude didn’t half care about me as I did about him. He just seemed unflappable, and impossible to convince. But maybe he is truly the catch. Maybe I prefer to have to chase my men? Or maybe he’s simply not for me? These questions kept popping up in my head as I walked home that evening.
Once I was in the compound, I looked around to check on Jonah, but nobody was in sight. I knew he would be inspired by his room, but I didn’t want to bother about that. What would l be?
Chapter Six
Jonah
Isatinthechair opposite my bed, thinking. I was confused about what was my next step to take. Even though I had turned Claire down vehemently, I still wished to have her by my side. I tried to get her off my mind. I read books, watched movies, and went out with friends. But it wasn’t enough. Whenever I got back home to rest for the day, I thought about her.
It soon became disturbing for me because I knew I was getting myself into something I didn’t want. I still thought about my ex sometimes and wished I didn’t have to go through all that. It was a scar on me, my son, and everything else.
The sun was so hot that afternoon as I trudged down the street toward one of my friends' homes. I had little to nothing to do at that moment, so seeing a friend that understood me more than most was important to me.
“Jonah! What’s up, dawg? You’re looking sharp with a drag of a face. You good, generally?”
I smiled. That was why I liked to visit Jason. I was guaranteed to meet the same dude every time. He felt real, unlike anybody else. If I ever caught Jason behaving differently, then something was wrong. His authenticity alone was what endeared me to him.
“Man. You won’t believe what is wrong with me!”
“Hit me with it. You know there is hardly anything we haven’t seen in this world. So you can tell as much as you want.”
“Well, there is this girl.”
Jason burst into laughter and fell out just as quickly as if he realized he was not supposed to laugh at something I seemed to take very seriously. He stopped and gave me a face as if to say I should proceed with my story.
“She's very young. Younger than appropriate for me. She’s young enough to be my daughter. She’s just in her early twenties.”
“Well, she is an adult. And it is not like you are 70 or anything. You’re fairly young yourself, and not getting any younger.”
“Come on, man! I came here so you can give me the motivation to ignore her completely as I don’t think she is good for me.”
“If you feel she isn’t good for you, it is fine. I can’t do anything else about that. My point is that you should be with her if you feel the need to. I don’t want you to deprive yourself of true love, or at least pleasure because you are afraid of being hurt.”
I pondered on his last statement as he seemed to have some credibility on that. I loved the fact that he always had his own opinion and stated it, even though it tallied with what you felt or not. We had some drinks later. Jason's wife came and served us some food and it made me smile a little. Why did I feel so bad just because he still had his wife and I didn’t? Maybe I was always the problem.
After I left Jason's house. I wondered where was best to take my thoughts. I scanned my brain for a list of friends that I had around, but no, I could not visit any of them. All of them seemed to be in happy relationships or marriages, mostly. I was not interested in ruining my mood further, and smearing all of that on someone else was not a major interest either.
There was only one place left to go asides from my house, and that was the bar. I mean, I visited there regularly anyway. It was a common thing for me and a few friends who cared to follow me when I called. Sometimes, I was invited to such meetings.
The meetings were usually such a bore, but we didn’t care. We used those few hours, and minutes, to talk about our cravings and insecurities. Most of us wailed every time about growing older and the ever-demanding children of theirs. Must be nice to have children.
I walked down the street on the way to the bar. I would have taken a cab, but the bar was just around the corner. I bent into a curve and saw a clown performing near a light post. He was so happy and bouncy and I wondered if today brought better business for him. I hardly saw happy clowns nowadays, and that was supposed to be cause for worry if I was being candid.
He looked in my direction as I walked past him. It was then I noticed how many children were playing happily beside him and how tall he was. I wondered if he was such a happy person in actual life. It would be good to find one genuinely happy clown.
Soon, I was at the bar. I wondered why it seemed different as if it was not the same bar I’d been visiting for years. The only difference now was my landlady's niece worked there now and had an affinity for me. I didn’t know if it was supposed to be a good thing or otherwise.
The drink landed on my table and I looked up to see who was serving. It wasn’t Claire, as I hoped to see her beautiful eyes. It was another girl, probably assigned to help the former with the work. I noticed that Claire was in her normal spot instead, attending to nearby customers while the other girl was more mobile.
I got up to walk out the door as if I wanted to pick up a call. I walked back in and sat on a chair much closer to her. It was propped up in a position where I could see her without her having to see me as much. I downed the first glass and started to think about nothing in particular. I felt ago gentle breeze seep into my shirt. I looked at the door. The trees outside were waving aggressively. I imagined them being human beings that were praying for a sort of duty.
Soon, the wind got more aggressive and a few windows were closed. I spotted her watching me once but I pretended not to notice since I didn’t want any drama. But I noticed that people started to leave one by one. No one wanted to be trapped in a bar because of the rain. Some people may have other reasons for not wanting to stay longer too, especially if they had significant others.
The rain started in full force when the bar was nearly empty. Unlike the others, I didn’t need to rush home, nor did the desire to. My son, Will was home already so I was confident that the house was in safe hands. I had trained him to live his life without me because I knew that he would need that someday.
I waited and sunk into a pastime instead, while the storm got worse with each passing moment. I noticed that the bar only housed me, Claire, and the girl helping her. Even the girl was waiting for someone to stop by and pick her up. I overheard her tell Claire that her boyfriend was not yet there to pick her up.
A few minutes passed, and then I heard a honk outside the door. The storm was getting worse with each passing moment, but it was reasonable enough to allow the girl to run through the door and into the open car door within seconds. The door shut slowly so I was able to see her just before she entered the car. I turned my head and noticed Claire standing in the corner pretty much hugging herself.
