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I look down. “You have to say that. It’s part of the whole brother thing.”
“You and I both know I’m not your brother any more than Flint over there,” he says, and I bite into the side of my mouth because that’s how I feel, but I didn’t know that’s how he felt. “Not that I wouldn’t be proud to be your brother, and maybe had I stuck around, that’s how it would’ve been between us. But you and me? We’re more like friends who fell out of touch. And friends know when their friends are a smoke show.”
“I’m a smoke show?” Insecurity is literally seeping through my pores, and I hate it, but my kind of trauma isn’t something one walks away from. It follows me around like a shadow. I don’t always see it, but it’s always there.
“Yeah.” The word seems to drip from his lips.
If I were sober, I wouldn’t think this was anything more than a compliment, but I’m not, so I read too much into it. Maybe he’s feeling the same connection I am. Maybe he doesn’t want to tell people I’m his stepsister because he doesn’t want it to be weird when he makes a move. Maybe he wants to take me into the alien room and plant an egg in my ass.
I’m drunk. Far too drunk to be having this conversation.
“You’re zoning out. I think we better get you home.” He tugs me off the stool. “Come on.”
“But I wanted to dance,” I whine.
“Maybe next time,” he says, but something about how he says it makes me think he’s lying.
With a hand on my back, he leads me through the crowd, stopping now and then to say goodbye to his brothers. Because there are so many of them, it takes a half hour to make it outside. I don’t mind, though. I’m proud of Colin for everything he’s gained since leaving Ray’s house. I’m jealous, even. He’s done what I’m setting out to do. Someday, I want the same for Mom and me.
“You too drunk to ride?” he asks, handing me the helmet.
“No, I’m good now.” The last half hour did a lot to sober me up. I still don’t think I’d pass a sobriety test, but I’m pretty sure I can ride.
He straddles the bike, his jeans straining against his muscular thighs as he adjusts his position to allow room for me. I climb on behind him, not hesitating to wrap my arms around his middle, and as the engine roars to life, he pulls out onto the road.
Unlike the ride to the clubhouse, I settle into this one right away. It’s invigorating and exciting. Colin must be more comfortable with me back here because he goes faster than before and glides around bends without slowing down.
I giggle and press my face into his back as he speeds down the highway, weaving through slower traffic. I’m glad he talked me out of going home this weekend. I needed tonight, whether or not I wanted to admit it. The last week has been amazing, and day by day, I feel myself emerging from the darkness I’ve been living in for years now. It took this seemingly normal Friday night in Colin’s world to convince me that I really did it. I got away.
I won’t be in the clear until I leave the city limits, but for now, I’m safe.
What’s really shocking, though, is that I’mhappy.
At some point, we reach an open stretch, and he rests a hand on my thigh. While I’m sure it’s meant to be reassuring and friendly, I’m still tipsy from the beer and a little turned on from the show at the clubhouse, so my body reacts in an overly friendly way.
I’m suddenly aware of just how close we are. Every inch of my front, from my chest to my knees, is pressed firmly against him, including my pelvis. That, along with the vibrations of the bike, have my clit pulsing with awareness, desperate for attention. Slowly, so as not to alert him to my needy state, I tilt my hips up and squeeze my thighs against his, needing friction, even if it’s the smallest amount.
If he notices, he doesn’t show it, so I do it again. And again. Colin’s speech from earlier replays in my mind, silencing the nagging voice in my head that tells me my attraction to this man is wrong.
The ride is over way too soon, and as he parks, I reluctantly loosen my hold. He walks me inside, and I’m disappointed the night is over. That he’ll go back to the clubhouse alone. Or maybe Tigger was wrong and hasn’t seen what Colin’s been up to.
“Thanks for coming out tonight,” he says as we stop in front of my door.
“Yeah, I had fun.”
We stand there awkwardly for a long minute before his brows furrow. “Aren’t you going to unlock your door?”
“Actually, I was thinking I might head down to the bar.”
While most people come here for an experience, some come to hang out. The bar and restaurant have a great vibe, and on any given night, customers are there to just eat, drink, and maybe watch a dance or two. The girls on shift are usually there, and I’ll meet up with them to shoot the shit. It’s relaxed and fun.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he says.
I tilt my head in question. “Why not?”
“It’s late, and our guests might get the wrong idea about why you’re there.”
“If they do, I’ll just tell them. It’s not a big deal.”
