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Her pacing stops. “I don’t know, Colin. Your life was fine before I showed up. I’m sure it’ll be fine when I leave.”
I purse my lips and nod, stuffing my feet in my boots.
“Come on, don’t make me feel bad. I’ve had this plan for years, and we only reconnected a couple weeks ago. And this”—she motions between us—“I don’t even know what this is. Whether or not it feels like it, you’re my stepbrother and have a good thing going. Don’t let me get in the way of that.”
I’m such a fucking idiot. I should’ve known I wasn’t enough.
“You’re right. You’ve been telling me this whole time that this was temporary. I should’ve believed you. I’m sorry I even tried.”
“Colin,” she says, chasing after me as I sprint out of the room. “Colin, wait.”
It’s too late. The door is closed, literally and figuratively. Did I really think I could build a life with my fucking stepsister? It would never work. We’re both too fucked up over everything that’s happened. That’s clear as day to me now.
I hop on my bike and speed away into the night. The normal thrill of hearing my engine roar doesn’t even register, and when I reach the turnoff to the clubhouse, I don’t take it. Instead, I keep going.
For hours, I ride aimlessly around the city until the sun comes up, and I’m too tired to think.
Only then do I head home.
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
NAVY
Iwake up Saturday morning with puffy eyes and a heavy heart.
Colin kissing me was more than I expected. All the sexual build-up I’d been feeling came flooding out of me the second our tongues tangled together, and the bone-deep need to let him take it further was hard to control.
When he went to remove my shirt, I almost let him. I’ve never wanted anything more.
But it was wrong, and fear had me pulling away. At first, I told myself it was because I didn’t trust him. He left me, after all. And yes, logically, I know he was barely eighteen when he left, still a kid himself. But I was too, and my young mind spent so much time berating him for leaving me that I don’t know what it’ll take to trust him fully again. Or if I even can.
That’s not the real reason, though.
Neither is the fact that I refuse to stay in Reno. If I’m going to fumble through my first consensual sexual experience, it should be with someone I don’t have a future with. That way, when I finally meet someone I can trust, I’ll be more comfortable.
Those excuses are surface-level, though, because the real reason is that if Colin knew my darkest secret, there’s no way he’d want me. How could he, after finding out his dad has been coming inside me since I was fourteen? Even though it was forced, I’d imagine fucking the same girl as your dad isn’t a turn-on. He’d be disgusted if he knew.
So, I stopped it from going any further. It’ll be easier for the both of us if I’m the one to walk away now. Starting over would be too challenging. There’s too much to admit, to forgive, to deal with, and I’m so fucking exhausted.
All I want is a fresh start with new people, a new city, and new problems.
Reaching onto my nightstand, I blindly feel around for my phone. When I have it, I tap the screen to find it’s ten in the morning. I also find about ten missed calls and a couple of texts from Mom.
Something’s wrong.
Sitting up, I click her contact and put it on speaker, wiping the sleep from my eyes.
“Vivi?” Mom cries.
“Yeah, I’m here, Mom. What’s wrong?”
“Can you come home?”
My stomach sinks. “Why? What’s going on?”
“I need you.”
“Is Ray there?” It won’t stop me from going; I just want to know what I’m walking into.
