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I shift my hand but the grip keeping it in place tightens. Devan won’t let go of me. I barely register his presence. But he’s still here. Sitting beside me in the waiting room of the hospital, both of us quiet, still, while we wait for updates.
At least he doesn’t try to tell me that everything is going to be okay. Or my personal favorite, uttered by a million and one well-wishers: There is a plan. I have to trust inthe planand everything will work out, as if there is some divine puppet master making the decisions for the trajectory of every life on this planet.
It’s really hard to see the plan when bad things keep happening. It’s either there is nothing and no one out there, or the people I love are not important enough to save. Not Mom, or Dad, or Taney…
Devan and I both jump when his cell vibrates. My heart slams against my ribs hard enough to crack them. One look at the screen and he finally breaks away.
“Let me take this. It’s Ashcroft,” he murmurs.
A call about the most recent murder, I expect. Ashcroft will want and need a report and we’ll have to do a press conference tomorrow. I scrub my face. We were supposed to talk to Henderson too…
“Are you going to be okay alone?” Devan hasn’t answered or stood yet. His dark eyes search mine.
“One of us has to do our job,” I tell him. “Please, go. It’s our case and I don’t want anyone else stepping in and messing with our progress. Whoever we’re on to, whoever we are closing in on…they tried to kill Taney. Do it for her.” My eyes burn but tears refuse to erupt and give me relief. “I need a minute.”
Devan stares a moment longer and finally nods in agreement. “Sure.”
We both know what I’m really asking for. I’ve never had to beg Devan to leave me alone. Until now.
He’s looking at me like he’s afraid to leave me, like I might do something crazy when no one is looking. I’ve made it this far, I want to assure him. I’ve gotten to this point in my life no matter how many dark impulses and thoughts from the abyss attack me at any given moment. I’ll be fine. I’m going to be fine.
The numbness of my insides means I’ll be fine.
Devan presses the screen to answer and immediately strides out of the waiting room to talk to Captain Ashcroft somewhere more private.
In less than half a heartbeat, Gabriel drops down into the seat just vacated, appearing the instant Devan is out of sight. I blink at him.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, my tone leaden.
“Isn’t it obvious?”
He slides close enough to be there should I issue the invitation but with enough space that I don’t feel smothered.
“What’s the news?” he asks.
“Nothing yet. They’re still working on her.” I keep bracing myself for the surgeon to come in.
“She had a message for you?” Gabriel pushes, not unkindly. “She wanted to talk to you about something?”
“Yeah, she did.” His voice soothes the rough edges the numbness doesn’t, and I find myself relaxing toward him a few inches. “She told me not to go back to the club.”
I’m not looking at him.
The bitterness rises up inside of me like bile and burns wherever it touches.
“You mean the Velvet Underground.”
“Exactly.”
I don’t know why I’m not really surprised to see Gabriel here. I rock to the edge of the hard plastic seat until my feet press flat to the floor. Bracing for the flashbacks that always take me when there’s a loss of this caliber, this magnitude.
He makes some kind of sound in the back of his throat and when I focus on him from my periphery he’s staring at the wall ahead. Until he notices my attention and turns to me.
“Layla…I don’t know what I can say to make you feel better.” He flashes me a lopsided smile he doesn't mean. “I know how to threaten and kill. Comfort? It’s not on my resume.”
“I’m the same way.”
Unconsciously I shift closer to him, as though the warmth of his body will thaw my chill and pull my fractured pieces into a coherent picture again.
