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And then—
“Ohwow, Sinclair. Who would have thoughtyoucould actually look decent?”
The disgusting jab is only the first of many from the low-life men on the force. They come at me in a never-ending wave somehow disguised as banter.
“Sure. I never dress this way. Like it’s a big fucking deal?”
Jerry slow-claps for me and stands up from behind his desk, the ends of his mustache bristling. “Sexy,” he says. “You’re going to be the new face of the force? ’Bout time you show off that body.”
“If you don’t stop dicking around then I’m going to file a sexual harassment suit against all of you,” Devan threatens. He strides around the corner with a cup of coffee in his hand. “And don't think I won't do it. I’m so sick of your mouths.”
I shoot him a grateful smile and head in his direction. Devan is about the only man who most of the guys in here will listen to. Even Jerry listens, grudgingly enough, because none of them wants to get on my partner’s bad side. I stifle a chuckle at the way several of the younger detectives look, as though they might piss themselves.
Taney.
My mood sobers quickly.
“Harass her again and you’re done. Am I clear?” Devan barks. “Piss-poor behavior for cops. For men.”
Properly chastised, although a boot to the ass would be better for them, the room settles as much as the guys and gals are able to settle.
Still, I’m grateful.
Devan waits until I drop down in my chair, hissing out a breath at the ache in my feet, before he shifts over, his arms on either side of my chair to keep me from going anywhere. “Are you okay?” he asks. “You disappeared on me.”
I want to tell him the truth, that I’ve never been okay. Instead I force myself to grin at him. “I’m holding up as well as I can.” It’s the truth even if it isn’t the whole of it. “I couldn’t stay in the hospital. After the surgeon gave me the news, Gabriel…he got me out of there.”
I won’t tell him how many times I’ve spent reading and re-reading the last text string with Taney this morning or the giant hole she leaves behind in my life. She was always a bright light, there and suddenly extinguished.
Devan will understand if I tell him, of course. We’ve all had to deal with loss at some point in our lives.
“You should have taken some time off. You didn’t have to be the one to take on this press conference. You’re holding up, but sooner or later you’re going to break,” he continues. “No one will blame you if you decide to skip out today. Ashcroft will agree.”
“I’ll break on my own time. This conference is part of the job and we both know it.” I silently beg him to drop the subject.
“Doesn’t make it any less my responsibility than yours.” Devan groans, releasing his hold on my chair to settle himself on the desktop. He blinks, swallowing his surprise when I reach for his cup of coffee, forgotten next to my computer, and take a sip. “This is still my case. Let me do it for you.”
“I’ve already made some concessions lately with letting someone take care of me,” I whisper. “It’s my turn now.”
Devan shakes his head. “You’re not responsible for saving the world, L.”
My lips quirk. “Not the world. Just you. And Taney.”I failed on one of those counts.
I glance at the clock and push out of the chair, forcing down my nerves. I’ve barely left myself enough time today but the press will already be waiting in the conference room, the captain and the chief with them.
“I’m fine.” I smooth my hands down the front of my shirt. “Don’t I look fine?”
“You look like shit.”
“It’s all a part of my technique. Stay here. Keep working on digging through the evidence.”
He rounds his eyes at me. “Are you fucking serious? I’m not going to stay here.”
“Yeah. Like I said, I have this covered. Do this for me, please, Dev?” I pat him on the hand before making my way down the hallway, my chest hollow. Good thing I had time on the drive over here to think about how I want to play this gig today.
By the time I round the small dais amid the shouting of reporters and incessant flashing of bright lights, I have everything under control, myself included. The familiar anger is back and burning at a low simmer in my gut.
Anger at everything I’ve lost and the fucking unfairness of this whole thing.
