Page 94 of Love After Never


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A muscle twitches in his jaw. “All of it.”

My heart lifts with something akin to joy, but what good is it at this point? “I wish I could believe you.” I lift on my tiptoes and kiss him.

It’s too easy for me to sink into the kiss, to let myself trust in his words like the best kind of delusion. The one where he’s not a psycho killer being paid to take me out and I’m not a stupid lovesick fool.

His guard will lower with the promise of sex.

It’s always about sex with his kind. Sex and drugs and death. It’s about time I start accepting those facts. He’s never tried to hide himself or be anything other than what he is. A monster.

He’s a monster, and I love him. But I can’t hide who I am, either.

A woman with massive fucking trust issues.

“Iseeyou, Gabriel.”

I don’t need to kill him but I do need to get him out of my way. His information about Jade is all I need. He confirmed everything I’d been considering myself.

I deepen the kiss, wondering if he feels the goodbye in the touch.

I see him and everything he’s tried to do, and maybe in a different world I really might be able to lean into him and know he’ll be there to catch me. As it is, there are too many variables. Too many walls between us. Too many doubts and too little trust.

My throat tightens.

The moment I sense the chink in his guard, I make my move and crack my hand across his face. The slap does nothing to him. It certainly doesn’t have him rocking back on his heels. His eyes widen in pain right before I swing the butt of the gun into the side of his head with every ounce of strength left in me.

Too bad for him: I also know where to hit. I know the buttons to push in order to bring my opponent down.

I slam him in the side of the head a second time but he’s already crumpling, and in seconds Gabriel falls to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I love you. But don’t ever again think you know what’s best for me.” I step over his unconscious body and head toward the door.

I’ll confront that bitch Jade for killing Taney. I’ll arrest her and let her rot in prison for the rest of her life.

I’ll give Gabriel time to wake and come after me.

And no matter what happens, or how crazy this makes me, I know I’ll carry around a hole inside of me where Gabriel started to carve out his place, and it won’t matter what I do or how far I run. He’ll be there.

I’ll have to take care of business before he catches me.

TWENTY-EIGHT

layla

Docks on Markeeis nowhere near the Velvet Underground. I’ve got no car, no money, no shoes. Not a damn thing to my name except nerve damage and more trauma. I stumble out into the dim afternoon light, dragging in a breath filled with the scent of blood and brackish water.

Fuck, I hate this place.

Every building here needs to be razed to the ground.

Stop wasting time.

Limping down the street, the warehouse district slowly shifts into row houses and gas stations. There are convenience stores, churches. Once I’ve put a safe distance between me and the docks, I lift a hand to flag down a passing car.

No badge, either.

Some nice lady in a minivan eventually stops and picks me up. Convincing her not to take me to a hospital is a problem. Telling her where I need to go is a bigger one.

She balks at the idea of going downtown and anywhere near a sex club. To the point where she pulls over at the next street and lets me out of the van with a warning to find Jesus before it’s too late.

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