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I lean forward and sit upright on the couch, wiping the sweat from my brow with my T-shirt.
I sigh. "Who is it?" I shout toward the door.
"Um, it's me… Jamie."
Fuck. I don’t want to deal with this right now. "Hold on," I answer.
"Can you open the door?" he asks.
"What do you want, Jamie?"
He's silent on the other side of the door. My heart is still racing from the session with my new toy. The session that Jamie just interrupted. Why is he here?
“I got your voicemail,” he says.
Oh shit. That’s right. Why the hell did I have to drink so much that night? And what was I thinking going to Eden’s in that condition?Think, Lara. What did I say on my voicemail? He blew it off for three days. What the hell does he want now? What did I tell him? My pulse is pounding in my neck and I can barely focus as I lift myself up from the couch. I do not want to talk to him right now.
“Go away, Jamie.” I shout,
"I remember, Lara," he says.
“Remember what? What are you talking about? What are you doing here, Jamie?” I get up from the couch and walk toward the door.
“I need to talk to you, Lara. Let me in, please.”
“No. I don’t want you in here. What is it you remember?”
A cloud of silence hangs at the door.
“WHAT do you remember, Jamie?”
“I remember what I did. I know why you’re angry with me,” he says. “At Eden’s the other night.”
“Go on,” I say.
“Dicklicking. Dick-licker. Whatever the nickname was,” he exclaims. “I don't remember exactly. In high school… We… The guys on the team… They picked on you really bad. They made fun of you. They called you Dick-licker, or something like that. I don't remember exactly, but I remember I never did anything about it. I could have stopped them, and I didn’t. I’m really sorry, Lara.”
I rip open the door.
Chapter 24
Jamie
Laraispantingandgripping the doorknob with such force her knuckles are white.
"Well?" she gasps. "Do you really think this is all about some stupid nickname?"
Seeing her for the first time in a week brings back a flood of feelings, and her question unravels my entire understanding of the situation. From what Seth told me, I figured it out. Or I thought I had.
She’s as pissed now as she was at Eden’s. What the fuck did I do?
If it wasn’t the bullying, then what was it? What can I even say?
"I'm sorry." It's the only thing that comes out.
Her chest rises and falls, and she clenches her jaw. "You keep saying that Jamie… but what the fuck do you really think you're sorry about?"
The question stabs me like a knife in the chest. What am I sorry about? Where do I even begin? The hallway starts to spin, and as I blink, I teeter sideways, grabbing the wall for support.
