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“Fucking hell,” I growl. “Keegan, take the dog outside. I don’t want him pooing in the house.”
“Mandy said he’s toilet trained,” Keegan says, sounding ridiculously proud of the dog he’s owned for less than half an hour.
“Yes, but this is a new environment for him,” Archie explains. “That could change things.”
Taking Archie’s word as gospel, as per usual, Keegan shrugs and collects Phillip’s lead again, tugging the dog away from Archie. “Come on, Phillip. I’ll show you the outside.” He heads towards the back of the house, Phillip trotting along beside him.
Archie turns to me, one eyebrow quirked in curiosity. “Phillip?”
I shrug. “Apparently he resembles the late Duke of Edinburgh,” I explain, parroting Mandy.
Archie lets out a snort of laughter. “Okay. So…he’s here to stay then?”
“Fuck no. I’m not sharing you with a fucking dog,” I growl. “He can stay at Courtney’s.”
He smiles and steps towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist and brushing a kiss to my lips. “You don’t have to share me with anyone. Definitely not a dog.”
“Yeah, try telling him that,” I mutter.
“He did a poo!” Keegan announces, returning from the back of the house.
I break away from Archie and rummage through the bags Mandy gave us, retrieving a roll of waste bags and handing it to Keegan.
“What’s this?”
“That’s to clean up the poo.” I cock an eyebrow at him. “You didn’t think owning a dog would be all playtime, did you?”
He lets out an exaggerated sigh and slumps back out of the house to clean up after Phillip.
Archie bends down to unclip Phillip’s lead, this time managing to fend off the dog’s attempts to nuzzle at his crotch.
I roll my eyes. I get it, that is a very tasty area, but come on, this is getting ridiculous.
“Why don’t we go to the couch?” Archie suggests. He flops onto the sofa and places a cushion in his lap.
I swear I hear the dog sigh in disappointment before he jumps onto the couch, sprawling out next to Archie, his head on the cushion.
“That dog needs a fucking bath,” I growl. “I don’t want it stinking up my couch.”
“I’m already on it,” Archie says, tapping away at his phone with one hand while the other ruffles Phillip’s fur. “I’m asking Robbie who he uses for Odette. I remember him saying she makes house calls.”
“Who the fuck’s Odette?”
“Robbie’sBichon Frisé .”
“Robbie Sexton has aBichon Frisé? Named Odette?” I actually have no idea why I’m surprised. Of course Robbie has a dog as high maintenance and pretty as he is.
Archie grins. “She’s adorable. And whoever grooms her clearly knows what she’s doing because Odette always looks pristine.”
I roll my eyes. “Of course she does. She probably gets puppy facials or some shit like that.”
“Oh, here we go—he sent her number. I’m going to see if she can come by today.”
While Archie’s organising the grooming appointment, I decide to message Courtney to let her know about the new addition to her household.
Me:Congratulations! You have a dog.?
Courtney Adams:What? What do you mean I have a dog?
