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“I’m sorry. I already have plans.” He does not need to know that I am lying through my teeth. “Maybe another time?”
He smiles and nods. “Okay.”
“Thanks for asking, though.”
“Get home safely.”
I watch as he walks away and kick myself mentally. What on earth is wrong with me? It has been almost six weeks since Lucan fired me. So, why am I still holding on to any hope that he will come around and we can make up and move on?
“Because no one has ever protected you like he has, that’s why,” I mutter to myself as I get into the car. When Steven had accosted me on the dancefloor in his drunken state, I had been fully prepared for a physical fight. I still have no idea how he found me there or if it was just mere coincidence that we happened to be at the same place at the same time. I can barely recall the drunken insults he had hurled as he had tried to press his body up against mine. Then the next thing I knew, Lucan had come flying out of nowhere. And the rest is history. Looking back, I have to confess that that had been the best night of my life. Being with Lucan that night had been spectacular. Only to be followed by the worst morning ever.
That Saturday night, Lola had slept over and I had poured out the whole sordid affair to her. With being fired, there was no choice but to go back to my job. I had been saving from the job with Lucan, so I have a tidy little sum put aside. It is enough to keep the house going. But Lola had spoken some common sense into me.
“The housing market is pretty good right now and this neighborhood is a prime location. Why don’t you list it with me as a rental and move to a smaller place? The rent would cover your mortgage, and out of pocket you’d end up paying less monthly. If after a while you want to sell it, that can be arranged as well.”
I told her I would give it some thought. But I have yet to get back to her.
I pull into the Friday afternoon traffic and get caught up in my thoughts for the coming weekend. I have plans to put in my fall vegetable garden and plan to spend all of tomorrow doing that. Then maybe, if I feel up to it, I will take up Lola’s offer to go out for dinner and dancing. I have already told herFrictionis not an option.
I stop at the supermarket to do some shopping and get it done in record time as I want to spend time at the plant store. Three hours later, I am packing things away in various cupboards. I reload my bathroom cupboard and reach underneath to stack some tissue and other hygiene products. I frown when my hand touches something soft. I pull out an unused pack of pads. I look at it puzzled. When did I restock? I jog my memory. A feeling creeps up my spine and I begin to go numb. When was my last period?
I stare at my reflection in the mirror as I struggle to remember. I knew I’d had one before I went to Florida. And based on elapsed time I should have had one between then and now. But I have also been having sex, unprotected sex. I dare not think too hard as I spin out of the bathroom and grab my purse. A minute later, I am heading to the nearest drugstore.
When I get back home, I head straight to the bathroom. I pull out five different tests and follow each instruction to the T. I leave them on the counter and go to the kitchen to make a sandwich. I try to ignore the timer I have set on my phone. But, in my head, I am hearing it go off every few seconds though I know five minutes have not passed that quickly. The bread tastes like paper in my mouth as I try to swallow past my suddenly clogged throat. I am praying that the results are in my favor. Because if they are not, I have no idea what –
Beeeeeeeeeeeep! Beeeeeeeeeeeep!
I spring off the stool and head to the bathroom. I close my eyes as I pick up the first test. I open my eyes slowly and feel the breath I have been holding come whooshing out. I take another deep breath as I take up the second, then the third. By the time I am at the fifth test, I feel a sense of calm sweep over me. I leave them there on the bathroom counter and call Lola to ask for a rain check on our plans. I end the call and go out to the garden to begin some preparation for my gardening plans tomorrow.
Later that night as I brush my teeth to get ready for bed, I take one last look at the sticks before I toss them in the bin. I hop into bed and close my eyes, willing sleep to come. But behind my closed eyelids an image emerges, and I cannot get rid of the sight of those little sticks:
Pregnant
+
Pregnant 5-6
Pregnant
Pregnant. What the hell am I going to do?
Chapter Twenty Two
Lucan
Aswegatheratthe dinner table, I continue to be amazed each day as I interact with Ryan. I see him through Summer’s eyes instead of just a son with whom I struggled to connect. I find that the more time I spend with him, the easier it gets as well. We have still not found a full time day time nanny, and I have to admit that I am not putting much energy into it. I miss Summer and I wish I could find a way to get things back to what they were before I fired her. The fact that Sylvia has not been pressuring me to find someone tells me she is not interested in replacing Summer either. Ryan asks for her daily, though, and I am running out of excuses. I just keep telling him that she is on vacation.
“Hot dogs for dinner! Yummy!” He picks up the bun and frankfurter and puts it together himself. The ketchup, mustard and relish remain on the plate. After the first time I attempted to help him with his hot dog by putting on the condiments, he had gone into a full scale meltdown. I had done it ‘the way Summer does it’.
“That’s how you know it’s Friday.” I watch as he takes a tiny bite before dipping the bitten tip into the ketchup. On the next bite he takes a dip of mustard. Then finally the relish. By the time I polish off my steak, he is just finishing the last bite. Only when the hot dog is gone does he take a sip of juice.
“Daddy?”
“Yes?”
“Summer’s on a pretty long vacation, huh? Six weeks. Is she coming back?”
I look at Sylvia and she looks at me. I am sure the shock on her face mirrors mine. I look at Ryan. After the first week of excuses I had concocted the story of Summer’s vacation and forgotten about it.
