AllFreeNovel
Share Us
MyheartracesasMaverick runs across the length of the field, my thighs bouncing. Football has always been a sport that got my blood pumping, or maybe it was just him. The way he commands the field as though it’s his own personal arena.
His arm springs back, the ball whizzing through the air the moment he sets it free. I tell myself to follow it, to watch the game as it plays out, but the only thing I can see is him.
His jersey clings to his skin, the fifteen plastered on the back staring right at me as he runs down the field. He’s been wearing that same number since the day he played his first high school game. That was the day I knew he’d one day play for real and make something of himself.
September fifteenth.
I saw it then, a future laid out for the boy I called my best friend. Handed the number fifteen, on the fifteenth. It was as if fate was staring down at him, calling for him to follow.
I thought he’d figured me out when I read out my phone pin to him, his eyes assessed me for a moment, but he shrugged it away. Maybe that day didn’t mean as much to him as it did me.
It was the day I saw him go from lost and unsure, to determined. He knew what he wanted from his life at that exact moment, and I knew that no matter what happened or where life took him, he’d achieve it. I envied him that.
Still to this day, six years later, I’m more lost than ever.
That’s why when I got a new phone, and my therapist talked about moments in life that made me want to get better—memories that made me happy, snapshots of a life lived to cling to when the darkness came over me—that was the only thing I thought of.
So instead of writing it down, I made it my pin, so every day I’d be reminded of the moment I saw someone figure out their future. I also etched it into my skin, but that’s something he’ll never know.
“You’re a closet football fan, huh?” Maisie shouts, her voice barely carrying over the screams of excitement echoing around us.
“What?”
“You’re reeling plays off under your breath,” she says, following my eyeline. “Before he does something, you mutter it to yourself, as if you’re telling him what to do next.”
“No, I’m not.” I snort, tucking my hands into the hem of my sweater to stop myself from picking at the skin.
“Yeah, you are.” She laughs, bumping my shoulder with hers. Twisting my neck, I find her gaze. Her face is flushed with excitement, and her eyes are wide as she watches the guys run around the field. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? My brothers are going to fucking love you.”
“It’s not so much the game I’m a fan of. It’s more I’m a fan ofhim.”
“Maverick?”
I nod, my eyes finding him once more as he moves gracefully, the ball tucked under his arm before he sends it flying once more.
Touchdown.
He does a tiny jig, his hips swaying obnoxiously.Smug bastard.He always did put on a show out there.
“I’ve been watching him play since I was eight years old,” I tell her, never taking my eyes from him as he finds me in the crowd. Even with the helmet covering his face, I can feel the intensity of his stare burning into me. “He always had a ball in his hand, from the moment I met him. He was only nine, but there was so much talent in his body. Out there, on the field, he’s magnetic. It’s his own personal playground, and he’s the king of it. I could reel off every single one of his plays with ease, and his body tells me exactly which one he’s going for the moment before he makes it.”
“Can I ask you something and you not get defensive for two seconds?” My brows raise to my hairline, and I turn to her. She laughs softly, her nose wrinkling.
“I guess . . .”
“Why did you two never end up together?”
My brow furrows. “What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s obvious there’s chemistry there and attraction,” she explains, leaning in closer so I can hear her as she keeps her voice low. “I know shit’s complicated now, but the way you talk about him, the way he looks at you, it’s not hard to see there’s something between the two of you.”
I sigh, closing my eyes. I’ve asked myself that same question a thousand times over. Why did I go to Sebastian and not him? Why did I never tell him he was my first crush? Why did I watch him discover girls and never once speak up when I wanted him to discover me?
“I don’t know that he ever felt that way about me, but even if he did, he never said a word. And I was too scared to. He was my best friend’s brother, and if I spoke up, what if everything went to shit? Maybe a part of me was hoping that when I met Sebastian, he’d have something to say, but he never did,” I answer, finding him once more when I open my eyes. “We were kids, you know. I was fourteen when I met Sebastian, Maverick was fifteen. Even if he had felt that way, who knows what it could have meant for us. And now?” I shrug, fresh waves of sorrow washing over me. “It’s way too late to ever find out.”
We’re some of the last to leave the bleachers, letting the eager crowd disperse into the parking lot before we make our way down the stairs and away from the field. Crowds aren’t always a safe space for me, the hustle and bustle of being too up close and personal can sometimes trigger an attack, but tonight, I made it through.
Tonight feels like a win, and I’ll take all of those that I can get.
