AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I walked away from her once, without looking back, and she gave me that,” I tell him, blowing out a breath. “Now it’s my turn. If this is what she thinks she needs, I owe it to her to give her that.”
“When did you ever listen to what someone else is telling you is the best choice?”
“When Beatrice Fletcher is the one telling me what to do,” I say, shoving off the bed and grabbing the note from his hand. I stuff it in my pocket, grabbing my phone from where I launched it at the wall when I first found the sheet of paper laying on her pillow next to a pile of hoodies she’d collected from my room over the last few weeks. “She deserves to find her peace, and if that’s not me, then how can I dream of ever taking that away from her?”
“You really do love her, don’t you?” he asks, a mixture of awe and sadness in his voice.
Grabbing the bag with my tops and sweaters off the bed, I leave her dorm, Nash’s question going unanswered. A tear rolls over my cheek, the first I’ve cried in a long time, as the door closes behind me, my broken heart left in her room.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Beatrice
“Isthatmygirl?”Mom shouts when I step through the front door. Her eyes glow with excitement when she runs into the hall, a bright smile at her lips as she takes me in. She throws her arms around me, squeezing me in a death grip as she whispers in my ear, “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, Momma.” She pulls away at the crack in my voice, her hands on my shoulders as she stares at me. My lip wobbles, my breath shallowing under her watchful eyes.
“Oh, my baby, what happened?” she asks, following the stray tear that spills over my lashes. Within seconds, more follow. My body is racked with sobs as she drags me into the living room, guiding us to the couch.
She pushes me down gently, her arms wrapping around me as she pulls me into her comforting hold.
“I wasn’t ready.” I choke, swiping away the tears with the back of my hand, but it’s futile as more follow. “It was all way too soon.”
“Beatrice, I’m sorry,” she says, brushing her hand over my ponytail and smoothing the strands down my back. She holds me for what feels like hours, taking all my tears and emotions as they wash over me like a hurricane.
She whispers words of comfort, but they do nothing to tamper the swirl of sorrow that continues to build inside of me. My body is cold. My mind detached as I cry for the boy I left behind,again.
Time passes slowly, my sobs lessening until I’m sure I have no more tears left to cry. Mom swipes her thumbs under my eyes, wiping away the last few stray tears. Her eyes are soft, her lips set in a sad frown as she watches me.
A fresh wave of guilt trickles over me. This isn’t the first time my mom and I have been here, sitting on this exact sofa, wiping my tears away. How many times am I going to make my parents watch as I fall apart? Will I ever not be here, in this position, broken?
Mom must sense the change in my thoughts as she pulls in a deep breath and plasters a wide smile on her face. Standing, she brushes her hands over her denim-clad thighs before tugging down her white blouse. “Go and take a shower. I’m going to order food and then we can have an old-fashioned wine night, yeah?”
“Sounds good, Mom.” I nod, chewing the inside of my lip.
“Perfect.” She claps her hands together, giving me a wink. “So, shower, food, wine, and then you can tell me what fool broke my babies’ heart.”
“What makes you think—”
“Oh, Beatrice.” She tuts, shrugging. “You’ve only ever cried like that once before, and it wasn’t on what most would class as the worst days of your life. It was the day you watched Maverick walk away, turning his back on you. Now, go.” She throws an arm over my shoulder, guiding me to the stairs. “I’ll be down here when you’re ready.”
“I think I broke my own this time, Mom.”
She sighs, her eyes settling into understanding before she leaves me, and I remain on the bottom step, watching the hallway long after she’s gone. She’s right. While I cried over what happened with Sebastian, it was different. With him, it was tears of shame and anger. Embarrassment I’d ever let myself get into that situation—not that I was ever to blame, though it took me a long time to realize that.
But that day, at the courthouse? That was the day that opened my mind up to a world of darkness. I cried all night long, the tears never drying as I thought about the mistake I made. The panic attacks started that day, ripping me apart piece by piece. It was then that my parents decided to send me to therapy and a long two years of work began.
And now, today? It feels like I’m grieving a lost lifetime.
I’m not just mourning a lost relationship, but a friend.
A life.
Our life . . . the one we should have had.
Confusion builds, my brain becoming hazy as I scrunch my eyes closed. What if, once again, I got it wrong? Not by being with him . . . but letting him go. I lied again, thinking I was making the best decision for him. But should I have given him the choice, instead of taking it away and making it for him?
Mom slides a container of rice my way, a fork, and a glass of rosé. We eat in comfortable silence, the sound of the radio in the background the only noise filtering through the kitchen.
