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She opens the door, pulling it closed behind her, but before it can latch, she pops her head back around. “Do me a favor, baby?”
Nodding, I wait. She flicks her eyes to Maverick, who still snores softly, his body lax in the chair. “Don’t let that boy go. It won’t always be smooth sailing, and there will be so many days you want to give up and walk away, thinking it’s the best option for you both, but hold on tight. That’s where you find your happiness. The kind of love he has for you . . . that’s the love of a lifetime. It doesn’t come around all that often, so hold onto it and him. Because you deserve that love, Beatrice.”
She leaves then, the door closing with a soft snick. I blow out a breath, closing my eyes against the pain that shoots through me. Pressing the call button at my side, I let my gaze settle on Maverick while I wait.
I don’t know what tomorrow brings for us, or if we even have a tomorrow, but I let my mom’s words settle in my mind. I know Maverick loves me; I haven’t once doubted the words since the first time he said them . . . but his love is scary.
It’s real.
It’s overwhelming and all-encompassing but it’s freeing too.
There’s no pressure when I’m with him. I don’t need to be the perfect girl or say the right things. The only thing he ever asked of me was that I not let him go again . . . and I did. At the first hurdle I stumbled, and instead of getting myself upright and rejoining him at the start, I rushed to the finish line. Leaving him behind. Because I was scared.
For so long I’ve been scared.
I don’t know how not to be anymore.
But with him, I was happy too. Even on the bad days, he kept me moving.
The nurse comes into the room, pulling me from my thoughts. She introduces herself, rushing out to bring me in a jug of ice water and a glass. I take a few tentative sips, thankful Sebastian did no permanent damage to my throat.
It will be sore for a few days, or so the nurse tells me, and my bruises will linger, but they’ll fade eventually and all that will be left of that night is the fragmented memories that will live with me long after the rest disappears.
She gives me something to help me sleep, and it works quickly, the room growing darker as exhaustion claims me once more. Only, this time, I can see a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel, and I only hope it stays long enough I can one day walk through it.
Maverick is awake when my eyes open again, his face full of wonder as he takes me in. But the moment his eyes lock on mine, so much emotion swims in the depths, so many things I’ve never seen in his gray irises before.
“I was too late,” he whispers, his lips turning down as his gaze moves to the floor.
“What?”
“I was coming to get you . . . but I was too late,” he says, his chest heaving as he pulls in a shaky breath. “I waited, again. Wasting time. And I was too late, and now you’re here and you’re not okay. I should have been here sooner, Bumblebee. I should have never let you go.”
I open my mouth, trying to choke out words, but his shoulders begin to shake. He peels himself from the chair, falling to his knees on the floor. He takes my hands in his, holding onto me as he drops his head into my lap.
My heart misses a beat, and I forget to breathe for a moment as heavy sobs rack his whole body. My legs tense under the weight of him, a slight ache creeping through the tired bones, but I don’t ask him to move. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.
He mumbles, “I’m sorry” over and over again as the tears fall from his eyes in a continuous stream. I massage his head, offering whatever comfort I can. Though I don’t know that it’s enough, as he continues to cry, pouring all his hurt and guilt into the air.
Never in the eleven years I’ve known him has Maverick cried. But today, he cries . . . for me. If I thought my heart couldn’t break anymore, I was wrong. The final pieces, so carefully held together, shatter. But for the first time, it’s not painful.
Once upon a time, my therapist said that sometimes you need to accept the cracked parts of you because they’re what allow the light to shine through. And for so long I didn’t understand what she meant, but I think I get it now.
I’ve been clinging to that broken girl for two years, holding all her pieces so tightly together because I’ve been terrified of leaving her behind. She’s the only reason I’m still here today. I owe her everything. But now, I have to let her go, and let the cracks form between us so we can find the light again.
“Maverick,” I whisper, tugging at the ends of his tousled hair. It’s slightly knotted, and a little dirty, but I can only imagine that mine looks a thousand times worse. He tilts his head up, his eyes glossy. I smile softly at him, patting my side. “Hey . . . will you lay with me?”
“Bumblebee, I don’t—” He runs his eyes over me, his lips settling into a frown. He tries to pull away, but I cling tighter to his hands, holding him still.
“Please.” I purse my lips, my eyes narrowing on him. “You aren’t going to make me beg, are you? ’Cause don’t think I won’t. I’m feeling a little needy right now.”
He hesitates for only a moment, but I loosen my grip, and he lifts off my legs and sidles in beside me. The bed isn’t the biggest, but with some painful repositioning and many threats from him that he’ll go back to the chair, we make it work.
With my head tucked on his chest, Maverick runs his fingers through my hair, massaging my head as he does. His touch is gentle, his body warm, and my emotions overwhelm me.
So many things remain unsaid between us, so many moments in time where I didn’t say the right thing, or I said nothing at all. Each one is a punch to my gut as they filter through my memory, assaulting me with a million regrets . . . but in the end, it all comes down to three little words.
Words that mean nothing and everything all at once.
