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Chapter 39
Luka
Ahundred and thirty-six days. That’s how many days there are in four and a half months. A hundred and thirty-six days since Dani forced my hand and I had no choice but to walk away. And I’ve spent every single day regretting it.
My chest hurts just thinking about her. I’m constantly wondering what she’s doing, if she’s alright—if she thinks about me as much as I think about her. I know I’m in the middle of celebrating my sister-in-law’s birthday, but it’s hard not to feel glum when I’m surrounded by reminders of what I could have had.
Alina has a pointy birthday hat on at the insistence of her children, the candles of her birthday cake flickering with the breeze. My brothers each have an arm around their adoring wives. My nieces and nephews gather around the table, signing “Happy Birthday” in Russian to their aunt. Between the balloons, the music, the presents, and the sunny afternoon, spirits should be high.
I guess I never got the memo.
Even Catherina seems to be in a good mood, which is frankly rarer than a blue moon. I think she’s happy to be back in Russia. Dad’s health has improved a great deal ever since we all moved out into the countryside together. Mikhail really knows a thing or two about finding the best places to live. It’s nothing but open fields and blue skies, perfect for the kids to run around in—and to see our enemies approaching from a mile away.
Not that any of them know where we are.
It’s official. The Antonov Bratva has gone underground. The terminology might confuse some people since most crime is already pretty hush hush to begin with. But Mikhail has every piece in place. His lieutenants run the day-to-day operations in Moscow, keeping a tight lid on things. They’re pretty much self-sufficient, so they rarely have to reach out to Misha unless there’s a major issue to deal with—which there isn’t, because my brothers own a chunk of the police, the local government officials, and every informant from here down to the Baltic Sea.
Mikhail calls it an early retirement. Moscow remains under our family’s thumb, and he gets to spend his days raising his children in peace with his wife, Aurora. Dimitri and his wife, Natalya, are in a similar boat. They spend most of their days picnicking and teaching their kiddos how to ride bikes. Pyotr and Alina are busy trying for another child. It’s going to be a loud household, that one.
But while they all have a grand sense of purpose, I’m the only one truly listless. I have nothing to do now that the Antonov Bratva no longer needs a resident hacker. I’ve effectively packed up shop. My brothers made good on their promise; the last job would truly be the last one. I just wasn’t prepared for what that would mean.
While Alina rips into her presents, the kids dig into their slices of cake, my brothers laugh heartily about something business-related.
“Why are you sulking, dear boy?” Lev asks as he takes the empty seat beside me.
“I’m not.”
“You know, I’d believe you if your face didn’t look like that.”
I relax my facial muscles, the sudden lack of stress tugging at my features a clear sign I must have been scowling for the past hour.
Lev chuckles, nudging me with his elbow. “Cheer up, son. It’s a party, not a funeral.”
“Sorry. I’ll do better.”
“Want me to grab you a slice of cake?” Dad offers.
I shake my head. “I’m good. Help yourself.”
With a shrug, Lev stands back up and rejoins the party.
I watch my family from afar. There’s no question as to how proud I am of all we’ve achieved. These past few years have been hell, but if there’s one thing my brothers and I are good at doing, it’s surviving and coming back stronger than ever. I watch Mikhail, Dimitri, and Pyotr with their families and try to stifle my aching heart. I can’t help but wonder if I could have had all of this with Dani—a loving wife, a couple kids of our own. I mourn what could have been.
Much to my surprise, my mother approaches me next. She takes the seat beside me but doesn’t say anything. She’s grown softer the past few months. Don’t get me wrong, Catherina is still mean as fuck when she wants to be. She has little patience and can easily snap when things don’t go her way, but I can see she’s been making an effort, especially where the kids are concerned. She’s a stern grandmother, but the kids don’t seem to fear her.
“You’re thinking about that woman,” she states matter-of-factly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Catherina strums her fingers against the armrest of her chair, her sharp manicured nails clicking against the wood. “Have I ever told you the story of how I met your father?”
I give her the side-eye. “No.”
She leans back in her seat, taking a deep breath as she watches her grandchildren running around. “I was arranged to be married, you know. Not to your father, but to a wealthy businessman overseas.”
My jaw ticks. “Okay?”
“I know it might be hard to believe, but I know what it’s like to be in love. Lev and I… It was clear my parents didn’t want us to be together. Rival Bratvas, you see, and they didn’t exactly like the idea of marrying me off for peace when they could marry me off for money. Anexorbitantamount of money.”
