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The man freezes, turning slowly. There’s murder in his eyes. “Excuse me?”
I reach into the inner pocket of my bomber jacket and pull out a few slips of paper. I have them folded into thirds. “Your internet history,” I repeat myself, louder this time. “I’m sure your lovely wife would be very interested to know you looked up ‘horny single MILFs near me’ over twenty times last week alone.”
Mr. Ratchet’s face pales before suddenly turning bright red. “How did—Impossible!”
“I guess Tabitha didn’t mention her brother-in-law isreallygood with computers.”
“That’s private information! You can’t do that! It’s… It’sillegal.”
I shrug. “You were on a public internet network without a VPN. This is really on you.”
The landlord sputters. I think I might have fried his brain. “Fine,” he hisses. “Fine, I’ll make some calls right now and have everything fixed immediately. Just… just don’t tell my wife.”
I smile. “I promise.” He reaches his hand out like he wants me to hand over the papers, but I shake my head. “I’m going to hold onto this for a little while longer. Rest assured, once the ramp and elevator situation has been fixed, I’ll shred these immediately. Oh, and it goes without saying that if you try to take out your frustration on Tabitha, Iwillgive this to your wife. Are we clear?”
He nods quickly. “Yes. Yes, of course, just…Fuck.” He turns on his heels and runs inside, already fishing his phone out of his pocket.
Tabitha turns in her wheelchair and gawks at me. “You’re so fucking cool, you know that?”
I shrug. “Not on purpose.”
“Do you actually have his web history?”
I unfold the pieces of paper to expose their blank surface. “Nope. I did conduct a search, but Dani warned me not to print any hard evidence. Something about ‘it’s immoral’ blah blah…”
Tabitha shakes her head and laughs. “Still. Color me impressed.”
“I live to entertain.”
“Also, ‘sister-in-law’? Did you really think I was going to let that one slide?”
I sigh. “Oops. That kind of slipped out.”
“Does this mean you proposed to her?” she asks excitedly. “Oh my God!”
“No, no. Hold your horses. I haven’t asked yet, but I did pick out a ring.”
Tabitha gasps. She’s so full of energy, sometimes I forget she just turned nineteen. “Show me!”
I chuckle. “I don’t actually have it on me. But I do have a picture.” I pull out my phone and scroll through my image gallery, picking out the image in question. When I hold it out to Tabitha, she all but shrieks.
“It’sbeautiful!”
“Do you think she’ll like?”
“Are you kidding? She’s going toloveit! So that begs the question, when are you going to ask her? How are you going to ask her?Whereare you going to ask her?”
“Soon. I don’t know. And maybe in Central Park?”
“Pfft. Come on, dude. What the hell are you waiting for?”
“I love your sister a lot. I just want it to be perfect for her.”
Tabitha smiles sweetly. “Aww,dude.”
I roll my eyes. “Oh, shut up.”
“I don’t you think you have to worry about perfect timing and all that crap. Dani loves you a lot, too. I’m pretty sure she’d say yes in the middle of a garbage dump during hurricane season.”
