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“I’m just happy you’re my little sister.” My voice cracks.
Sadie wraps her little arms around me and sniffles. “I’m happy you’re my big brother. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to make you cry,” she mumbles against my chest.
“You didn’t.”
She pulls away to look at my face.
“I’m really happy, and I love my present. Thank you.” I pull her back in for a hug and tighten my hold, not wanting to let go.
Suddenly, I’m sobbing into Sadie’s shoulder. I hear her sniffling, and her body starts to tremble.
The events from last night finally hit us like a tsunami; the waves crash against the shore, washing away our pain and heartache.
“I love you, Jo,” she whispers.
“I love you too, Sade.”
* * *
PRESENT—SADIE
There was a time I looked forward to this day. But now, I fucking hate it because Jo is not here to celebrate his birthday, and Mom is in a freaking coma.
After Jo’s birthday, we stopped celebrating. It was his choice, and I respected it. The only thing we did was go out for pizza at Francisco’s, one of our favorite places to eat. That year was the start of our annual tradition.
“Hi, Mom.”
“It’s Jo’s birthday today. He would’ve been twenty-three years old.”
Tears burn my eyes as I hold on to Mom’s hand. Losing Jo is like a fever, burning inside me and consuming my every thought.
“Oh, God, Mom. Jo’s gone.” I cry, holding back a sob I knew would come.
For years Jo battled with his bipolar disorder, our dad’s abuse, and depression, and found comfort in drugs and alcohol. He fought as hard as he could for himself and his family.
But eventually, the darkness that imprisoned his mind was set free. Jo felt he had no other way but to take his life.
Not once did he ask for help.
Not when he was angry.
Not when he was sad and lonely.
I will regret it for the rest of my life, knowing I couldn’t save him.
I hate myself for not seeing the signs and not getting him the help he needed.
For so long, the voices in Jo’s head were too loud for him to tune out. Even through all that, he always cared for those he loved until it all came crashing down, burying him underneath the rubble.
“Mom, I’m sorry. I couldn’t save Jo.” My body started shaking, and tears gushed down my face.
The heartbreak feels like I was being torn in two, my life suddenly thrown into chaos.
My brother, my hero, is gone, and he’s never coming back.
* * *
After my breakdown at the hospital, I return to the Du Pont’s home and stay locked in the guest room with Sophia.
