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“As long as it takes. I should know more in the morning after I speak to the doctors.”
“Do you want me to speak to Arsène and the rest of the coaching staff, then?”
I shook my head even though Bronwyn couldn’t see me do it. “Not yet. Let’s just give it a couple of days until I have more to tell them.”
“Ace, will this change anything between us?”
I could almost feel myself flush. Honestly, I didn’t know. I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit seeing Teagan again had shaken me to the core. That in itself would have been hard enough to deal with, but with Remi, it was a whole lot more complicated. My emotions were all over the fucking place. I was about to lie because I didn’t have the constitution to deal with another conflict right now. “No. I know it’s a lot to deal with on short notice, but please just be patient and give me some time.”
“Okay,” her voice relaxed. “Do you need me?”
“I’m fine for now. Honestly, I just need to focus on sorting it all out. Thanks for offering, though.” The last thing I needed was Bronwyn’s pushy personality thrown into the middle of the situation. I had so much to sort out, and I didn’t need any distractions, and I didn’t need to deal with any female-on-female drama. Even if unintentional, there was bound to be tension and resentment. It was going to get messy enough when Jensen got back from his trip, but all of that was secondary to getting Remi well.
“What about going forward? What will be involved? Will you need to retain a lawyer?”
I sighed. “I can’t think about that now. Teagan said my name was on the birth certificate and Remi knew who I was the minute I walked in. She recognized me from pictures, and Teagan told her stories about me from a young age, and she named her after my mother. It was sort of this amazing, surreal, freaking gift, even though the way it happened was so screwed up, Bronwyn,” I said still in awe of the entire scene.
“Your mother’s name is Roma, not Remi.”
“Roma Amelia… Remelia.” Her tone pissed me off.
“Teagan is one clever, bitch, I’ll give her that,” she said in abhorrence; hatred literally dripping from the words. “Sure, tell the kid and not the bloody father, and to add one final nail in the coffin to make sure you can’t hate her, she names the kid after your mother. Surely you can see through her, Ace! Why aren’t you raging on and on about it?”
I shrugged. There was part of me that was still clinging to the past when Teagan and I loved each other, and I couldn’t believe she had malice in her heart when naming Remi. It even eased my aching heart to believe she did it because, in her heart, she loved me. Maybe she was telling the truth about her motives for keeping it all from me. Teagan did say in the car at the airport; that she still loved me. It had been in the back of my mind all day, and just the hope it could be true made my heart sing. Even though I shouldn’t care, I wanted to believe that more than I wanted to admit. Nothing hurt worse than thinking the memories I had of us were a joke.
“Because it wouldn’t change anything. I’m angry and upset. This has stirred up a lot of shit and it will change a lot of things in my life, but I can’t deal with all of it at once. Right now, Remi is the most important thing.”
“Ace!” Bronwyn protested. “Things don’t have to change. You do the medical thing and then you keep in touch with the little girl. Your life goes on.”
“We’ll see. I’m too tired to think about it now.”
“Your career is at stake! The media will be a frenzy.”
I sat up and put the phone on speaker, starting to peel off my shirt at the same time, throwing the phone on the bed, I kicked off my shoes and opened my jeans. “I. Don’t. Care,” I said. “I gotta get in the shower and get to bed. I have to be at the hospital in a few hours.” I leaned down, ready to touch the red button that would end the call. “Goodnight, Bronwyn.”
Hanging up on her was a prick thing to do, but I was done arguing and hearing hypothetical theories about the future. It was all up in the air until Remi was healed.
I stripped naked and walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I reached for one of the large white towels, slapping it over the convex pole that held the white shower curtain in place, and then turned on the water. Steam soon filled the small room as I adjusted the water temperature.
The hot water felt amazing as it rushed over my skin and I let it get my entire head wet. My emotions were in turmoil. I was worried sick about Remi, and all twisted up with anger and resentment, but I loved Teagan. If I still loved her after she did this, I had to face that I always would. But loving her didn’t mean I could forgive her, or even that I wanted to try.
The pain was soul deep and while she had Remi to ease any loss or suffering she felt at losing me, I was left with nothing but a black hole of despair and years of misery and unanswered questions. That type of devastation changes a person on a fundamental level and I sure as hell didn’t want to relive it. The future loomed like a gaping abyss in front of me and I couldn’t see beyond the moments and days ahead.
TEAGAN
Chase had the first of several required tests.
It was a simple DNA swab of his inner cheek, and he was standing outside of Remi’s room, towering beside me as he listened to the doctor explain all about human leukocyte antigens; the protein markers that determine if someone is a good donor candidate for a particular patient, the time involved in the process, and the many details that I’d already heard many times before.
He’d texted me at 5 AM and said he’d meet me at the hospital, and since he’d been distant informing me that he’d rather I stay with Remi than trail him during his test procedures, I obliged. I hated the invisible wall that he’d erected between us. At the airport, when he pulled me into his arms, I’d been transported back in time and melted into him. He still smelled the same and looked very much the same. He was in the best shape I’d ever seen him, though he was cut before. Now, his muscles rippled on his lean form when he moved, his shoulders were broader… but my heart and body still screamed for him in the same way they always had. Just being around him calmed me down, even when he was angry, as he was now.
My soul was in mourning that we weren’t together, and I needed him, now more than I ever had. God, I missed him, and wished, more than anything, that I could rewind time and go back and undo the horrible, life-altering mistakes I’d made.
My phone pinged. I’d shoved it in the back pocket of the frayed jean shorts I’d thrown on with an old Clemson T-shirt just before rushing out of the house at the crack of dawn. I’d spent the night tossing and turning and I was fully aware that it showed in the disheveled look of my hair and lack of makeup. I pulled the phone out and turned, creating a few yards distance between us while he was conversing with Remi’s oncologist, Dr. Radar. It was a message from Kat.
I’ve convinced David to live without me for a few days and Mom is coming to stay with the kids. Did Chase come?
Yes. He got in yesterday.
