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I gasped out loud. It was so far. “Wh—what?”
“With Arsenal. One of their players got injured and they need a forward to finish out the season, and if I do well enough, they’ll hire me for real. It’s a hundred times better than Charleston. I’d be playing internationally. I can hardly believe they’d even consider me.”
His excitement was obvious. He wanted it and why shouldn’t he. It was an amazing, impossible opportunity that was exactly what he’d worked for and more. I inhaled deeply. “Of course, they want you. You’re the best forward in the NCAA. When do you leave? This spring?” I pretended not to hear what he said.
“No. They want me to go now. At the end of this semester, so in a couple of weeks.”
“Oh,” I offered a tumultuous smile. “But the season’s almost over.”
“I know babe, but their best player is out, and they need me now. Then there will be training camp, try-outs, or something.”
I tried not to cry, and to swallow the intense pain rising up in my throat. The muscles constricted in an awful ache that got worse. “That’s… amazing.”
“Babe, I know it sucks that we’ll be apart, but it’s what we need for the future, isn’t it?” He shook his head at what must have been the heartbroken shock on my face. “Tell me not to go, and I won’t go. You’re the most important thing to me.”
My heart and mind were screaming; No, Chase! Don’t go! Never go! You can’t go! But, I couldn’t say them. His words; you’re the most important thing to me, resonated deep into my soul and I couldn’t put myself before him.
He was the most important thing to me, too, and I couldn’t hold him back. In that second, I knew I couldn’t tell him about the baby before he left because then he’d never leave.
It would be scary to wait, scary to face my father without him, scary to be here… alone, but I couldn’t let him give up what may be his one and only chance to realize his dream.
I stroked his face with the back of my fingers, staring deep into those eyes I loved so much and said the words that made my heart bleed. “You have to go.”
The only light in the room was coming from the bathroom, and the television that was turned down very low and the blue shadows of the changing pictures danced across Chase’s perfect face. His brow wrinkled and he swallowed, hard as he fought with his emotions. It had to be difficult to feel so happy about something when he knew it would break my heart to be without him.
“When Coach Noonan called me into his office and I saw Arsène Wenger sitting there, I about shit my pants. I mean, Arsène-fucking-Wenger, Teagan! Then, all the guys were all over me with congrats—I was so freaking happy I was beside myself, but the first thought I had was that I had to tell you about it. I was so excited to share it with you, but then it hit me that you probably couldn’t go with me.” His eyes locked on mine, searching for my reaction.
We kept touching each other. My hands kneading the muscles of his shoulders and arms, threading through his hair, or running my fingers along his jaw, while Chase rubbed my back and pressed his forehead to mine. My first reaction was that I wanted to give up school and follow him to London, but now, being pregnant, I couldn’t be alone in a city where I knew no one, and I would just be a huge distraction for Chase. “You know I want to, there is nothing I’d rather do, but I don’t think it’s the best idea, right now.”
“Yeah. You should finish school. And who knows? Maybe I’ll suck and they’ll send my ass packing.”
My heart shattered like a window put into the path of a meteor. It would be seventeen months until I was finished with school, and I wished I could tell him that I planned on being in England after this semester ended. That would be long enough for him to get established with the team, long enough for me to figure out how to work it out with my dad, long enough to tell Chase about the baby. He’d be furious that I didn’t tell him and let him leave the country without knowing, but I could only hope that eventually, he’d realize why I had to hide it from him for a while, and forgive me.
“We’ve never been separated. Will you be okay?” His long fingers closed around the back of my head, as I snuggled closer to him. His cheek rested against my head as we wrapped around each other, our limbs tangling together as we couldn’t get close enough.
I could hear the struggle in his voice that echoed my own. Not telling him about the baby, hurt, and I didn’t want to lie about my feelings. “No. I won’t be okay, I’ll miss you like crazy, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go. You can’t make the goal if you don’t take the shot.” I used words he’d used a million times when he talked about anything he wanted.
He inhaled and his hold on me tightened. “Teagan, goddamn it.”
Tears were streaming out of my eyes as I fought the sobs I wanted to let loose. “You have to go, Chase,” I said into his chest, effectively soaking the front of his shirt. “We both know it.”
Chase shifted lower on the bed, so once again we were facing each other and he could look into my face. His thumbs swiped at the tears on both sides of my face at once, and then he bent in to kiss my mouth, oh, so softly. “I don’t want to leave you,” he whispered, gently teasing my lips with his. My eyes were closed, but I could feel his every breath, sense his every move, and feel the love pouring out of him. I had to have faith in him, in me… in us.
“I know.” My chin lifted to kiss him back. “It’s just how it has to be for a little while. Maybe I can transfer to an English school for my last year. I don’t think I’ll make it all those months, without you.”
I wasn’t sure how I’d work it out. My dad would protest, and I wasn’t sure he’d pay my tuition at an English school. I wasn’t even sure I could transfer with only one year left. Most U.S. schools required two years to get a degree issued, but all I knew was that I had to get Chase to England and on that team if it was the last thing I did.
Chase backed up and looked down at me. “You’re assuming I’ll make the team.”
I huffed through my tears and rolled my eyes wryly. “Please.”
The corner of his mouth lifted in a sad smile. “You’d do that? What about your dad? He’ll want you to finish at Clemson.”
I shook my head slightly. “I don’t know. I don’t care, I guess. Let me worry about him. We’ll work it out. This is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. It’s your chance and you have to take it.”
“It is a good thing, honey, but the best thing that ever happened to me… is you. You’re part of this. If I go, I’m doing this for us. My goal is to work hard, make the team for good, and then haul your little ass over the pond.”
“Okay, then, you will.” I sniffed and wiped at my nose with the back of my hand, finally feeling like smiling for real. “One thing you never lack is confidence in your abilities.”
