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“Kat said she was going to take you.”
“Yeah, I decided to catch a cab. It’s just easier and my schedule is tight. We have practice on the field tomorrow evening and I need to be there.”
I hugged Teagan tight one time and bent my head to place one kiss on the top of her head. Her arms tightened around my waist. I sensed her unwillingness to let go so I gently pulled her arms from around my waist, but kept the connection by holding one of her hands in one of mine. My thumb rubbed across the top of it automatically. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back in time for the results and if it’s a go, we’ll get it done fast. Remi will be okay, you’ll see.”
Teagan looked up at me, her soft doe eyes glassy from tears. “Thank you.”
“See you in a few days.” I started to walk toward the entrance of the hotel, reluctantly dropping her hand and leaving her to watch me go.
“You’re wrong. We are still us.”
My steps faltered as my heart exploded, and I paused for a second before I kept moving. If I turned around to look at her again, there was no way in hell I’d be strong enough to walk away.
CHASE
My eyes were red rimmed and felt as if they were full of gravel. I used my thumb and the index finger of my right hand to rub them both at the same time, the burning turning to a gritty itch.
I’d barely slept the night before, consumed with torturous thoughts of Teagan and the stolen moments with her in her car. My mind was full of worry over Remi, and the confrontation I knew was coming with Bronwyn. I lay there with a huge hole in my chest, feeling miserable and cheated, pissed off and heartbroken, terrified; all of it made me a mess. For years, I spent endless nights howling at the moon at the injustice of it all… and now, this…
I wished my life was different; that I’d never gone to England or left Teagan, I wished I’d never trusted my best friend to keep an eye on her for me, wished I’d known Remi since she was born and wished she wasn’t sick. I knew it would take real effort to keep my feelings for Teagan under control and hidden, and I’d be lucky if I didn’t completely lose it at some point. I couldn’t afford to be weak. The only times in my life I cried was once when I was ten and my grandmother died, over my break with Teagan, and now; Remi.
One thing that all the suffering over Teagan taught me was how to lock away shit that was bothering me. I was a machine; in charge of my life, in charge of my team, in charge of the game, and in charge of my emotions. Keeping a wall up and not letting people in made life easier, but going to Atlanta and seeing Teagan again, then finding out about my little girl had me reeling.
I’d be able to lie to Bronwyn, the managers, coaches and my teammates, but I couldn’t lie to myself. I was seriously fucked up. It was as if I was caught in this giant vortex mercilessly sucking me down to the bottom of the ocean and nothing I could do would save me, no solution that worked, no regret could be eased, no grief to be healed.
I laid in the dark staring at the ceiling that was auspiciously visible because of the crack under the door to my room and the small ray of light leaking in from the hallway; lamenting all that I had lost and could lose. I didn’t give a damn about the game I had to play or that my team was depending on me. All I wanted was to stay with Remi and make sure she got better; to just be with her… and Teagan.
I shook my head, pissed that it was even an issue. I shouldn’t even be thinking about Teagan.
I knew wanting her was wrong but considered it could be because I was blindsided. My emotions were so raw it was difficult to separate the past from the present but vowed I would. Somehow.
I’d managed to drag my ass to the hospital, get the tests done, and fly to Brasilia, though my head was pounding.
Thankfully, my eyes were hidden behind the mirrored Serengetis that I’d shoved onto my face. I made my way through the airport; walking out of the restricted passenger-only gates toward where I knew there would be a car and Bronwyn waiting. She’d called twice and texted at least a dozen times, but I didn’t want to respond. My heart was heavy and while I was prepared for the onslaught of her line of questioning, I didn’t want to deal with it. Although she was my girlfriend and we were intimately involved, it wasn’t on the same level as I’d been with Teagan.
I realized my feelings with Bronwyn were more of an act, going through the motions, and not the soul deep kind that fuck you up for life. The relationship I’d manufactured with her was something she wanted, but to me, it had been more of a survival mechanism just to get by. I’d known her the entire time I’d been with Arsenal, but for years she was my trainer and my friend. Then, one day I decided that if I was going to move past my heartbreak, I had to try to start over with someone new. She had been in front of me, and she wanted me.
Though Bronwyn knew, deep down, that I wasn’t as committed as she was, my current situation put it square in her face. Knowing it might affect our relationship in the wrong way, but I still didn’t feel like sharing the details. My feelings for Teagan were private and I was fiercely protective of Remi. I didn’t need to complicate the situation more by letting my real feelings surface. So, I promised myself I’d keep myself under strict control.
I saw Bronwyn as I threaded my way through the throng of people. She was dressed in Nike shorts, a tight white T-shirt with “Arsenal” squarely across her breast, and white sneakers. As always, her face was made up and her red hair was piled up into a high, messy topknot. She had sunglasses on and her lips were painted with bright coral lipstick. She was one of the senior trainers and she definitely looked the part, but unlike most of the others, she had a glam factor that made her attractive. She was pretty, and she might dress for her job, but she was always aware of how she looked.
When she saw me, she jumped up and down and waved, then pointed at me shouting: “Ace! There’s Ace Forrester!” It wasn’t as if the event this weekend and her logo’d boobs hadn’t already put people on notice to look for the players.
I felt my face flush with anger. What the fuck? Even though I liked to keep a low profile, Bronwyn preferred to be the center of attention. In a manner of seconds, several people were surrounding me in a mob, blocking my path and yammering for autographs.
Just what I needed, I thought sardonically. Today, of all days dealing with fans is the last thing I need.
I stopped and took the pens and papers thrust at me, quickly scrawling my name, one after the other, trying to smile and be as gracious as possible. It felt like a pressure cooker of Bronwyn’s making, and I was about to explode. The gathering only drew more interest and more people crowded around.
Bronwyn stood off to one side, grinning. Her white teeth were a stark contrast to her bright lips and dark glasses. Business as usual. She had aspirations to get out of training and become a sports agent and wanted me to be her first client. I signed ten or fifteen autographs and then nicely told them I had to get to practice; I didn’t speak Portuguese but knew just enough to extricate myself from the situation. It probably wasn’t even completely right because I’d looked up phrases on Google Translate years earlier, and over time, committed them to memory in a few languages of countries we played in a lot. Portuguese was just one.
“Com licença. Devo começar a praticar. Obrigado. Obrigado.”
I ruffled the head of a dark-haired boy who looked up at me with imploring dark eyes. He must have been seven or eight. He was bigger than Remi and adamant.
“Sr. Forrester! Sr. Forrester! Apenas mais um!”
“Okay, one more.” I took the piece of paper from him and signed it before ruffling his head again and moving through the crowd toward a smiling Bronwyn. She was waiting, arms crossed and chewing away on the gum in her mouth.
