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She might not be, but we’re going to watch you on ESPN.
The mention of the network had me wondering if Jensen was back in town. Just thinking about it started a slow, long burn in my gut.
Okay. Tell her I’ll make at least two goals for her.
Okay, I’ll tell her.
I waited for a beat to see if more was coming, wondering if she was going to mention the hot make-out session from the night before, but knew it was better to just move beyond it and not bring it up. Bronwyn sitting next to me in the car and Jensen coming home to Atlanta were glaring reminders that it was a bad idea, no matter how much my heart and body wanted it. It couldn’t happen again.
Good luck! Remi is blowing you kisses.
A slow smile lifted my lips as I imagined it.
Back at her. Tell her I love her, too. I’ll be back soon.
How soon?
I lifted my gaze away from the screen as my heart stopped. Damn if she didn’t know how to burrow into my heart no matter how badly I tried to fight against her. I couldn’t deny that I wanted to believe she was asking because she wanted to know and not just for Remi. I steeled my resolve to keep things in perspective. It didn’t matter what my soul wanted, I had to deal with reality, not some romantic dream. I wasn’t stupid and I wasn’t going to get burned again. I typed out a deliberate response.
As soon as possible. I have to talk to the team execs and sort it all out.
I’ll keep you posted.
TEAGAN
I’d been watching ESPN all day in between bringing Remi home from the hospital and making lunch for her, Kat, and me. I was thankful for Chase’s sister’s visit because hearing her chatter about her family kept the mood lighter. Remi was really taking to her, and Kat had introduced her to her son and daughter, Ethan and Emily, via Skype on her phone.
Remi wasn’t feeling the best and knowing her expressions, I could read her discomfort on her little face, though she didn’t complain. She was weak and mostly just wanted to stay in her room; only asking to come out for Chase’s game. She played a bit with her Barbie Dolls on her bed, but otherwise, she slept most of the day. Since she’d been in the living room for the past hour, she was still dozing. I could see her going downhill without the need to be told by the doctors that if Chase wasn’t a match, we were in serious trouble and she’d have to start another round of chemotherapy soon. The thought of it made me sick to my stomach. Remi would cry and cry if I had to tell her she’d have to go through that again.
I sat near my sleeping daughter on the foot of the older moss green sofa. Holding Remi’s blanket covered feet on my lap; I applied gentle rubbing pressure, careful not to cause the awful bruising she was prone to.
Kat was perched on a matching chair that was angled toward the mounted big screen TV. The house was modest and typical of a young couple just starting out. The furnishings were inexpensive, and some of them had been purchased at flea markets or online apps, but it was comfortable and I did my best to make it cozy. It was a miracle we had this much considering the medical deductibles piling up, and a couple of times had faced foreclosure on the house. I didn’t have a great relationship with my father, but once in a while, a check would arrive and under the circumstances, we couldn’t refuse it. I still resented his help, and our relationship was still very strained, but I tried to see it as an attempt on his part to make amends.
Remi shifted on the couch, turning toward the TV and curling up, cuddling her favorite new teddy bear that Chase had given her. “Is Daddy playing yet?” she asked sleepily.
“Just about, pumpkin.”
Kat glanced at me and nodded toward Remi. “How does Jensen take that?” I knew exactly what she was asking.
“Not well,” I admitted. “But, I felt it best.”
Kat’s head cocked to one side as she considered my answer. I could see the wheels of her mind churning behind her eyes. “It’s a contradiction, isn’t it?” She kept her questions stoic so Remi wouldn’t know what we were discussing.
“It is.” I nodded and then shrugged. “Kat, I didn’t know what I was doing? Honestly, I was… lost. No clue what was right or wrong, or which end was up. I was a mess.”
“I do see that part. It just seems like a bigger mess, now. I know your reasons, Teagan, but do you think it was really the best thing for Chase?”
I inhaled deeply and looked at the ceiling with a slight shake of my head. “No. But he wouldn’t be an international star if I’d chosen differently. And he loves that game. He’s alive when he’s on that field, and I just couldn’t take that away from him.”
“You don’t know what would have happened,” she said softly.
“You don’t, either. I didn’t want him to feel trapped. I wanted him to stay, but I wanted it to be his choice.”
Her eyes softened sympathetically. “I understand, that, too.”
I started to get emotional the same way I did whenever I let myself think about how things should have turned out for me, and Chase. It was hard to get the words out without Remi knowing I was upset. “I was terrified he’d start to resent me, and being without him or having him hate me, was better than having him not love me. If that makes any sense?”
“Yeah. With you two, it does. I get it, Teagan.”
