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Hold back for a few more minutes.
Yet I can’t help but give them a quick glance.
I stifle a grunt when I see him push the chick away unceremoniously. Shit, shit.
I take a step back, refusing to pay attention to this scene for another second. But I don’t know where to go. Dan, who is standing next to me watching this all go down, shakes his head, eyebrows raised, at Tucker. TJ stares at me with an apologetic look on his face.
Dan puts his hand on my elbow and says, “Follow me.”
His tone doesn’t leave me any room to refuse. I let him lead me into the kitchen, which is a little less crowded than the other rooms. Out of sight, I finally let myself go. I pull away from Dan and run my hands through my hair.
“Shit,” I whisper angrily. Fucking asshole. “Fucking ball-less asshole.”
Dan laughs beside me. His serious face relaxes in front of me for the first time. He opens a beer from the fridge and hands it to me. I wave it away, still lost in my thoughts.
Why did Tucker push the girl away? He seemed to be enjoying himself. I’m sure he would have let her suck him off in front of everyone. A half-naked girl pleasuring him in front of other people’s eyes, is that what gets him off? Like at the party in the old chapel? The intertwined bodies, the moans that come from all sides, that’s his thing? Well, fuck him, it’s not mine.
If he likes horny girls chasing him, good for him.
Dan asks me another question but I don’t catch his words. I look at him, stunned.
“Look, I don’t need anything,” I tell him, determined to get out of this house.
What the hell am I doing here anyway?!
He ignores me, opens a bottle of vodka, and pours it into a glass that he hands me. I stare at the cup without seeing him. I shake my head again, and he finally takes the alcohol back. I will never let another drop of liquor enter my body. Fuck, the last time I did that, I…I try to slow my breathing, trying to control myself. I lean against the counter and run my hands through my hair again.
I want to block out the memories, but I can’t. I see us pouring vodka glasses, ignoring the warnings. I remember him getting angry behind the wheel because he was a mean drunk. Then I remember the sound of the impact, the sound of the metal hitting the ground, the sound of the hood folding over itself. Then the smell of blood…
It’s only after a second that I realize that Dan is standing beside me. He takes a sip of beer, looking at me. I swallow my pain and look away.
Among the crowd I see through the open kitchen, I see Tucker elbowing his way through the students. He doesn’t seem to know where we went. His gaze wanders around the room, eyebrows furrowed. That’s right, look for us, you poor jerk.
I squint a little more as I see the girl from earlier trying to hold him by the arm. I know I shouldn’t care. I should look away, but I can’t.
“Stop staring at him,” says Dan. I raise an eyebrow in his direction, but he doesn’t let me speak. “Believe me, that girl may have been rubbing against his dick, but he was imagining a completely different person in her place.”
“What are you talking about? He does what he wants,” I announce, shrugging my shoulders and taking a casual look.
“Of course, I’m going to pretend you don’t look like an angry and probably jealous little redhead.”
“I’m not jealous.” I say as I approach him. “And stop playing devil’s advocate. We don’t know each other, you and I. And I don’t know him either. He can rub up against whoever he wants, I don’t care.”
That’s a lie.
Dan rolls his eyes and puts his beer on the counter next to me. “He’s my buddy, but he can be a real jerk when he wants to be. “Make him struggle,” he says before leaving the room.
Struggle? Why is Dan on my side? For that matter, are there really two sides?
“Make him struggle.”
I repeat this sentence to myself mentally. Give him a hard time, that I can do.
Of course, I was jealous. And what better way to make him struggle than to return the blow he just gave me?
***
Tucker
