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“We slept together in New York.”
He briefly closes his eyes, not a hint of surprise covering his expression. “I had a feeling.”
“I thought this might be it,” I continue. “Thought this was our chance to finally be together.”
“What happened?” he asks cautiously.
I turn my eyes forward as I attempt to make sense of my jumbled thoughts. Then I tell Marius everything I’ve kept to myself since returning to Belmont, starting with Creed and me nearly kissing at the opera, and ending with Tristan showing up in New York and everything going up in flames.
“Did he walk in on you two together?” Marius asks, eyes wide in surprise as he hangs onto my every word.
“Thankfully no. Creed had gone to get us some coffee and pastries. So when I heard a knock on the door, I thought it was him.”
“But it was Tristan.”
I nod. “He begged me to give him another chance. Said he’d give up his career to be with me if that’s what it took. Then Creed knocked on the door, and things just spiraled down from there, especially when I acted like his only role in life was to fetch me breakfast. But I only did that so Tristan wouldn’t realize what we’d done. And not because I felt guilty about it,” I add quickly.
“But because of the potential ramifications Creed would suffer,” Marius states, able to put the pieces together without me spelling it out.
“Exactly.” I pull my coat tighter around me as I stare up at the night sky. When I do, my eyes float to Pegasus, as they always seem to do.
I have a feeling they always will.
“I guess it all forced Creed back to reality. Reminded him of who we are to each other. And who we shouldn’t be to each other. Who we can never be to each other.”
Marius is silent for a moment, his unblinking eyes fixed on me. Music from a nearby bar thumps in the night, the excited chatter of late-night revelers echoing from the street four stories below.
“I can see why he’d think that.”
“I know,” I say with a sigh. “And I knew that when he kissed me. Things aren’t like they were last time. He’s in the royal guard now. He could lose so much. He—”
“Not that,” Marius interjects, and I whip my gaze toward his.
“What do you mean, Mari?” I furrow my brow.
“Have you ever told him how you felt about him? How you still feel about him?”
“I told him I wanted to be with him,” I respond, but know that’s not what Marius is asking. The admonishing look he gives me confirms as much.
“But have you told him that you love him? That you’ve loved him for years now?”
I part my lips to argue that I don’t see why that matters, but clasp my mouth closed as I shake my head. “No,” I reply softly.
Marius wraps an arm around my shoulder. “I get that you don’t have the best relationship with love. How could you with your grandmother constantly telling you there’s no place for love in a monarchy?” He pulls away, meeting my eyes. “But maybe if Creed knew how you felt, that you were willing to put your heart on the line for him, he’d be willing to do the same.”
“And if he’s not?” I say around the tightness in my throat from the mere thought. “If it still doesn’t make a single difference? If he still insists on burdening himself with guilt about the past?”
Marius shrugs. “Then maybe you need to finally help him unburden himself.” He gives me a knowing look. “You may be the only person who can do that.”
“Or he’ll feel even more guilty if he knew the truth about where Adam was taking me the night he died.”
“True. But that’s a risk you need to be willing to take. Life’s all about taking risks, Esme. You took a risk on Creed all those years ago. I think it’s finally time you take a risk on him again.” He meets my gaze. Then his lips lift into a playful grin. “And if it all goes to hell, I’m still more than chuffed to be your plan B.”
I burst out laughing at the memory of sitting in that café with Marius and Harriet as they developed a plan for me to lose my virginity to Creed. He’d offered to be my plan B back then, too.
“Plan B? What do I possibly need a plan B for now?”
He shrugs. “Life.” His light expression falls, becoming more serious. Thoughtful. He grabs my hand. “If you need someone by your side to navigate any stormy waters, I’ll be there for you.”
