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I pinch her chin, forcing her gaze to mine. “But I still want to be with you.”
She touches her hand to my cheek. “And I want to be with you. But you can’t be with me if you’re—”
“Still in the royal guard. I know.”
“And leaving will mean also leaving my brother.”
I push out a breath, squeezing my eyes shut.
This is the hardest part about our situation. I feel like I have to choose between my friendship with Anderson and the love I have for his sister. I worry he’ll see it as a betrayal of his trust, especially after he begged me to stay away from her.
But that was when he thought she was happy with Tristan, something she’s admitted she never was. After everything Anderson’s been through with losing Nora and finally winning her back, I’d like to think he’d understand. At the very least, he’d support my decision to make a change in my current situation with Rory.
Pretty sureeveryonewould support my decision to make a change in that situation, especially my mum.
“At the end of August, I’ll have eighteen years of service under my belt,” I tell her. “Four in the infantry. Four with special teams. Then ten in the royal guard. With the consideration I get from my time on special teams—”
“You can retire two years early without a mark on your record for early discharge.”
I nod. “Exactly.”
“So we wait until August?”
A knot forms in my chest at the mere idea. I don’t want to wait five months for her to be mine. So much can happen in that time. What if she realizes I’m not worth it? Or meets someone else?
But what other choice do we have?
Even if I wasn’t close to being able to retire with full military honors, I can’t just abandon Anderson without giving him appropriate notice. The bond between chief protection officer and the royal we guard is one that can’t be formed overnight. It’s why I was chosen to be his chief protection officer in the first place. Why Adam was chosen for Esme. Then why Archie took his place.
Not to mention, it’s going to take time for me to separate myself from Rory’s life. I don’t plan on removing myself entirely. AJ’s my nephew. And Rory’s still family. I want to be there for them as much as I can. Want to be a positive influence in my nephew’s life.
But I’m no longer going to sacrifice my needs to do that. It’s just going to take some time to break the news to Rory, especially since she still has abandonment issues. This isn’t something I can just spring on her overnight. It’ll be a process.
“I hate that idea,” I say honestly. “But—”
“But after last time, it’s for the best.”
“I don’t want this to blow up in our faces. I want to do everything I can to make sure it works this time.”
“So do I.” She wraps an arm around me, mouth seeking out mine.
I sigh, losing myself in her kiss, wanting to remember everything about the way her lips feel while I can still enjoy them.
The idea of having to walk away again makes my heart physically ache. The only silver lining is the fact that it won’t be forever. It’s been five months since she first returned to Belmont, and it seems like it was just yesterday. I can only hope the next five months will pass just as quickly.
But with much less drama.
“It’ll be okay,” Esme assures me, although I get the feeling she’s also saying it for her benefit. Then her expression brightens. “It’ll be like inAn Affair to Remember.”
I throw my head back and laugh. “What is it with you and your brother and that movie?”
She playfully punches my chest. “It’s a great story about two people finding their way back to each other, regardless of all the obstacles. Maybe you think it’s cheesy, but I love it, if for no other reason than the message it contains.”
“And what’s that?” I push her onto her back and settle between her legs, her warmth against my erection causing desire to pool low in my stomach.
She threads her fingers through my hair. “To never give up hope.”
“I haven’t given up on you in the past nine years, even if my actions made you think I had. Even if Iwantedto.” I lower my mouth to hers, reveling in the soft flesh of her lips. “I have no intention of giving up on you now. Not when we’re so bloody close.”
