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“You’re sparring withme.” Turning to face him, I dug the balls of my feet into the soft earth. I couldn’t let him train with Calem or Ozias to that extent again. I had full faith they were capable of taking care of themselves, but I was their leader. And if Gaige were to accidentally harm one of them under my guidance, then their pain would become my burden, too.
And a smaller, more irrational part of me simply wanted Gaige to understand my frustration. Which was futile and utter nonsense, given I’d never spoken to him about everything I was feeling. I couldn’t.
Shock plastered Gaige’s expression as his mouth fell open. He recovered quickly, slamming his jaw shut and removing his light jacket to toss it beside my vest. Like me, he rolled his black sleeves over his forearms.
“What is even happening right now?” Calem asked more to himself than anyone in particular.
“Kost,” Ozias tried, his voice soft, “you sure about this?”
“Yes. I’ll limit myself like Calem did,” I said. My pulse thrummed in anticipation, and for a moment I reveled in it. It was such a base feeling. Something tangible and authentic and so very, very straightforward. Whereas everything with Gaige… Convoluted and messy.
Ozias studied me for a long moment. He knew something was wrong. I could see it in the way his breath caught in his chest as hisbrows crawled together. Still, he didn’t argue. He shook his head once before turning to Gaige.
“You good to do this?” he asked.
Gaige rolled his lips together. “I’m not sure. What if…”
“You’ll be fine.” I couldn’t help the strain of my voice. All I wanted was to forget about the wooden flowers dangling within eyesight beneath the main bridge. I couldn’t read their names from here, but I knew Jude’s was there. Just as I knew things between Gaige and me could never be.
Gaige blinked, but then nodded. “All right.”
With one last belabored look in my direction and some wordless muttering even I couldn’t parse, Ozias sighed and folded his arms across his chest. “Let’s keep the shadow work to a minimum after what happened in the woods. Gaige, focus on using your power to help you keep your footing and move swiftly rather than form blades or shields.”
“I should’ve brought snacks.” Calem leaned back on his heels as he cradled the back of his head with his hands. A grin split his face in half. “I haven’t seen Kost spar in ages.”
I ignored him entirely, focusing only on Gaige. On the uncertain way he carried himself. On his twitching, gloved hands. “Are you ready?”
He stilled. “Let’s get this over with.”
He’d barely finished speaking before I was on him. In the span it took him to breathe, I’d summoned my shadows and wrapped them around my feet and ankles, making it easier for me to speed across the uneven ground. He failed to track my movements, so when I appeared behind him, he turned a half second too late.
“Find your stance.” I gripped his elbows and pulled him lower, knocking him off-balance. He stumbled over a log before catching himself. Already I was gone, sinking into the shadow realm andcircling him as he scoured the swaying cattails. The last time I’d touched Gaige had been to pull him out of a violent dream. It had been devastating to see him so broken and alone.
My mind was a colossal mess when it came to him. One moment I cared and the next I pretended that I didn’t. I hated the way he looked at me, and I hated myself for knowing the reason he was pulling away was because of me. I hated that I had to do it to protect myself. I hated it all. My thoughts never rested, and I just wanted to be done with these swirling emotions. I wasn’t strong enough to handle this again.
It was better to wall myself off than fall in love and risk being left all over again.
“Try to find a disturbance in the air,” Ozias called. “Something that isn’t quite right, something that requires a second look.”
Gaige settled into the balls of his feet and steadied his breathing. I moved to his side before he could detect me and slipped out of the realm.
“Better.” One word, spoken above the shelf of his ear.
So close.
He startled but leaned away without losing his footing. Shadows curled around his ankles and tethered him to the earth, offering him stability where he’d previously had none. They disappeared as quickly as they’d formed, and he leapt back just out of my reach.
“This is like some bizarre game of tag,” Calem whined. “Throw some punches!”
“He doesn’t need that.” Shadows flung to my limbs, hiding them from view. “He needs control. Finesse. A wild punch solves nothing.” A thin tendril snaked through the grass to stretch itself taut behind Gaige. So focused on me, he hadn’t bothered to reassess his surroundings.
“And awareness.” The words left my mouth right as he backstepped over my solidified thread, and he fell on his rear into the soft loam of the marsh.
“Lovely,” Gaige growled as he clambered to his feet. Mud soaked his trousers and dribbled across his boots. “What do I have to do to end this?”
I considered Calem’s jest. “Land one blow. Tag me, if you will.”
“Fine.” Gaige lunged forward with a sudden, impressive display of shadows at his heels. I jumped to the side, narrowly missing his surprise attack, and wheeled around in time to find he hadn’t stopped. He’d simply course corrected and was already within arm’s reach yet again. I darted backward, allowing my shadows to carry my feet over the rougher terrain that Gaige’s tendrils couldn’t quite traverse. He barreled through the mess of cattails and broken logs and filth until he had to pause for breath.
