AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Deeply. Truly. So much so that the thought of losing me or hurting me was a trigger for him, and he pulled away… Only to hurt us both. Much like he triggered me with his cold assessments and seemingly callous approach. But all the while he was working. Trying. And I just… I didn’t see it. Yet all the while he was seeingmeshut down, push him away. Seemingly abandoning him and starting the vicious cycle all over again.
Fuck, we were a mess, but I didn’t want to toe the line any longer. Because I knew in my heart that together, we could be whole.
“Kost, I’m sorry.” I was fairly certain it was the exact opposite of what he expected me to say.
His jaw clenched and unclenched. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“I do.” Sighing, I tipped my head to the night sky. “I don’t even know where to start. I’m just…sorry. For everything.”
I swore he stopped breathing all together. “I’m sorry, too.” His answer was surprisingly soft. Broken, even. Gods, did I want to make it better. I wasn’t sure if I could, but I wanted to try. If he’d let me.
Slowly, I closed the space between us. He watched every move with cautious eyes, even taking a single, small step backward when I got too close. That was the distance, then. I’d respect that.
“Can we please, please talk about earlier?” I couldn’t even bring myself to say the word.Kiss.My throat was tight and raspy, my heart cantering at an unhealthy pace against my rib cage. I needed to know if there was a chance for something more. He might have been interested before, but we’d done so much to each othersince I’d been raised. Whatever path we chose now, in this moment, would be final. It had to be.
He said absolutely nothing, and the silence nearly cleaved me in two. I wondered if this was how he felt every time I insinuated that I didn’t care about him. Shoulders deflating, I let out a quiet sigh and turned to go.
“I’ll leave you be.”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
It was so subdued, so hushed, that I almost mistook his response for the breeze sifting through the leaves. But when I turned around, he’d rolled his lips together as if he couldn’t believe he’d allowed himself to speak his truth. This time when I closed the distance between us, he didn’t retreat. His somber stare shattered my heart, and I lightly caressed the smooth line of his jaw with my ungloved hands.
Kost’s eyes went wide as his gaze flickered to my hand and then to my face. He searched for something in my expression, and then he let out a ragged breath before closing his eyes. “I walked away because I don’t know how to do this. I… It’s beendecades, Gaige.”
“And that’s reason enough not to try?”
Emotion raged in his eyes. “You don’t know…”
“You’re right. I don’t.” I let one hand fall to his waist and brought him in closer. “But whenever you’re ready, I’ll listen. And until then, I’ll wait. I don’t need to know what happened to know how badly you hurt. I can see it. I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner.”
A strangled, wordless sound escaped his barely parted lips. “Gods, Gaige I want you so bad the thought of it just tears me up inside. Not having you is torture. The only thing worse would be having you and then losing you.”
A thrill rang through me at his declaration. Finally,finally, I knew where I stood with him. We had a chance. We could try—if he’d dare to try with me.
“We can figure this out, Kost.” My voice was low. Hopeful. He shivered at its sound. “Imagine what our lives would be like if we actually worked together toward something instead of against each other.”
“Like we used to?” One corner of his mouth pulled upward ever so slightly, and the sight brought a prickling heat to the back of my eyes.
“Yeah. Like we used to.” Back before I died. Back when things were simpler, and the only reason he’d shy away was because of my flirtatious nature—not my bitterness. And even though he was the reason for my existence now—my new, undead life—that suddenly didn’t seem like a bad thing at all.
“I tried to hate you; I really did.” I laughed more at myself than him and was pleased to hear his own chuckle. I let the sound fill me up entirely, and then I tilted his chin so our foreheads were pressed together. “The truth is, Kost, I’m not sure I could live without you, either.”
He relaxed into my hold as his eyes fell to my lips, and that was all the invitation I needed. Softly, I pressed my lips to his. This time, he didn’t stiffen beneath my kiss. He melted. As he slid his arms around my neck, he pressed every inch of himself flush with me. My throat swelled with emotion, and I hugged him close. I hadn’t realized how much I truly needed him until that moment. And, apparently, how much he’d truly needed me.
When he broke our kiss, I didn’t complain. Not vocally, anyway. All I wanted was to feel him everywhere, all at once, but everything about tonight had to be Kost’s decision.
Longing swirled in his heavy-lidded gaze, but another emotion I recognized all too well threaded through his stare: fear. “I–I can’t just…” He cleared his throat. “Where do we stand, Gaige?”
“I thought we just made that pretty clear.” I trailed a fingeralong his jaw, down his neck, behind his ear. I reveled in the way gooseflesh followed everywhere I grazed. “Neither of us want to move forward without the other.”
“I just…” He looked away, flustered. “I know it sounds silly to ask for more, but…”
I pressed my finger against his lips. “Not silly.” Nothing about this was silly. I wanted him to feel safe and secure in my arms. I never wanted to see that errant fear of abandonment again. We both had emotional scars, and I had no intention of giving or receiving any more.
Slowly, I placed a kiss on his forehead, content to end our evening with that. “I’ll say it however many times you need me to: I want you, Kostya. Only you. And unless you ask me to leave, I’m not going anywhere.”
Kost’s smile—real and precious and so damn stunning—wrecked me to my core. “Thank you.” He angled my chin back down and, much to my delight, stole another kiss from my lips. And another. The slide of his tongue against mine was slow and deliberate, and it drove me absolutely wild. I found my hand slipping down his chest of its own accord. His heart thrummed rapidly against my palm, just as his hands pressed tighter against my back.
