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And now…Rudy is making me think of all the things I’ll miss.
But he doesn’t want to be a stepdad, so this is all a moot point, isn’t it?
“Let me be there for you, Lily.” His voice is soft, and something weird happens in my body. My chest spasms and softens at the same time. Half of my brain screams at me to throw my arms around his neck and say, Yes! Yes, I’ll let you make everything better! and the other half just wants to crawl into a hole and never come out.
I huff. “Easy to say after last night. What about when I’m puking my guts out from chemo? When my breast gets cut off and I only have one nipple?”
“To be fair,” he starts, eyes glimmering, “you were puking your guts up this morning too.”
I punch him in the arm, which draws a deep, tender laugh from him that warms me down to my toes.
“Fine,” Rudy says, leaning in for another quick press of his lips. “I’ll back off. Just…don’t write me off so quickly.”
I force a smile and resist the urge to put my hand on my stomach. The cancer is one thing—the baby is quite another.
I’ll just tell him right now. It’s the right thing to do. He’ll find out within a couple of months one way or another, and it’ll be easy. All I have to do is open my mouth and say two little words. I’m pregnant. That’s it.
But I must be weak, because my lips stay sealed until the door closes behind him. I’m enjoying his affection too much to throw it away. It could be the last time he looks at me like it means something.
Footsteps echo in the stairwell outside my door, and when I hear the exterior door close behind him, I let out a long breath.
I’m in trouble.
I really like him—and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can’t have him. Once he’s out of my apartment and the press of his presence is gone from my skin, my head clears. It’s like a veil lifting from my eyes, and I can see just how stupidly I’ve acted.
The man has a hard rule against dating women with kids, and I’m having a kid. Why the hell am I wasting his time? Why the hell am I wasting my time?
I’ll tell him about the baby next time we go out. If we go out.
God, I want to go out with him again.
Groaning, I scrub my face, then square my shoulders. I just need to do what I do best—push all my problems to one side and ignore them and get ready for the day. It’s Sunday, which would usually be a day off for me, but I’m feeling strung out and stressed, and the only thing I can think to do instead of pacing my apartment or tearing my hair out is work.
Going over to Rudy’s house to finish up the audit is obviously out of the question.
Dressed, hair dried, and skin moisturized, I sit down at the small desk in the living room when my gaze catches on a little square of cardboard sticking out of my purse.
Dr. Melissa Gardner’s name stares back at me in big, black, bold letters. I run my fingers over the slight indent of the text and blow out a sigh.
Nerves tighten every muscle in my body, but I force myself to open my laptop and type in her name. Her website is sleek, and there’s a big button right there on the front page that says, BOOK NOW.
Twenty-four hours ago, I probably would have closed the website and looked at a spreadsheet instead. I’m not sure what’s changed. Maybe it’s the conversation I had with Rudy—hearing about his past and knowing we can’t be together. Not with a baby growing in my womb. I can’t lie to myself any longer and pretend I’ll be swept up in a fairy tale.
My life has always been more like the Brothers Grimm’s stories, anyway. At least I still have my eyesight.
No, I’m on my own, and that’s okay. I’ve traveled the world and created a business for myself. I’ve stood on my own two feet since I was a teenager. This is just another bump in the road.
Squaring my shoulders, I click the big orange button on Dr. Gardner’s website and start typing in my information. I’m alone, but I’ll survive. Maybe Dr. Gardner can give me advice on telling my family. She can tease out the tangled knot of emotion inside me and help me come up with a plan.
A plan that doesn’t include clinging to the first available man who gives me a second look.
By the time I’ve confirmed my appointment for this coming Tuesday, my shoulders relax, and a real smile drifts over my lips.
Then someone bangs on the door.
“I know you’re in there,” Trina’s voice calls out. “You can’t hide from us forever, Lily!”
Us?
