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He turned to face her, and although his movements were smooth and relaxed, there was an intensity to his eyes that made no sense to Amelia. “Tell me who said these things to you, Amelia.”
“I don’t see how that’s relevant.”
“It’s relevant because he lied.”
“And how could you possibly know that? It’s not like I’ve ever given you a blowjob.”
The intensity of his eyes faded slightly, and a dangerous grin tugged at his lips. They were entering perilous territory. Amelia hadnotthought this through. She just wanted to know what he liked, so she could replicate it on future sexual partners.
Future sexual partners—not him. Definitely not him. Some nebulous future man whose penis she couldn’t quite picture right now, but she imagined she’d be enthusiastic about the idea when the time came. That was all.
But now, locked in a room with a sexy, red-blooded man, talking about blowjobs didn’t seem like such a wise course of action, especially because he was asking her questions that had to do with her past sexual experiences, and that was a whole pot of boiling acid she had no desire to dunk her head into.
“Okay, so, I think we might have taken a wrong turn in this conversation,” Amelia said, putting her hands up. “Let’s restart.”
“No.”
She reared back. “No?”
Leo shook his head. “Nope. You’re going to tell me what sniveling asshole told you all these lies about yourself, then we’ll talk about why the hell you believed him, and we’ll go from there.”
She blinked. The thought of sharing her past with anyone—let alone a man as attractive and out of her league as Leo—made her want to vomit. “I don’t see how that’s relevant, Leo.”
“It’s relevant because no matter what I tell you about sex and dating, you’re not going to believe any of it.”
Well, that was just a bunch of bullshit. Amelia crossed her arms. “Excuse me?”
“You won’t believe me, because you still think what that dickwad said to you is true. So we’re going to hash it out. Right now.”
Her heart began to thump. Fear clawed up her throat, and Amelia’s gaze slid away from Leo’s. “Maybe we can go back to talking about blowjobs.”
A low, pained groan sounded, and Leo reached over to grab Amelia’s arm. Then his hand went around her waist, and he hauled her over his lap, just like he did when they first kissed. When she was firmly planted sideways across his legs, with his arms loosely circled around her upper back, his fingers dangerously close to the side of her breast, he spoke again. “You have no idea how much it grieves me to say this, but I don’t want to talk about blowjobs with you right now. I want you to tell me why you struck this deal with me in the first place. Why do you think you need any of this advice, Amelia?”
She considered wriggling out from his hold, but the truth was, it felt good to be in his arms. So, Amelia let her head fall on his shoulder as a sigh slipped through her lips. Leo’s fingers began to sweep slowly up and down her arm, soothing her pulse down to a manageable level.
“It started with my ex-boyfriend, Josh,” she admitted. “We met in college. I was studying statistics, and he was in mechanical engineering. He was the first guy to ever pay attention to me.”
The soothing strokes didn’t stop, and Leo remained silent, but Amelia could tell he was listening.
“You have to understand, growing up, I was never Amelia Darcy. I was Maggie Darcy’s little sister. And I don’t resent her for that; it’s impossible to resent Maggie. She’s so beautiful and smart and so,sokind, and I’m just awkward. I was really gangly in high school. I had braces and acne and was one of those weirdos who actually enjoyed my classes, especially math, and I just was not at all on Maggie’s level. So when I met Josh and he actually made me feel pretty, it was really special to me.”
“Fucking Josh,” Leo mumbled.
Amelia let out a snort, nuzzling deeper into Leo’s chest. He was warm and solid, and his strokes were so gentle they sent delicious, calming shivers coursing through her body. She never would have guessed he was capable of being this tender.
“Anyway, we started dating. And I was young, and he was my first boyfriend—first everything—so I probably didn’t have the experience to see any red flags. We moved in together to save on rent, and that’s when he started criticizing me.”
Her throat grew tight, and Amelia stopped speaking. Leo kept stroking her arm, kept encasing her in his safe warmth. His chin tilted as he pressed his cheek to her forehead, a wordless touch that made comfort swell in Amelia’s breast.
“It started with innocuous things, like how I did the dishes or how I cooked. Or maybe telling me to change my outfit because it made me look fat or flat-chested or the color was all wrong. Then he started talking about our sex life, and I think he could sense that I was insecure about sexual stuff, so that’s what he started to really focus his critiques on.”
Leo turned solid beneath her. His movements stopped for a moment, and then Amelia felt a long sigh ruffle the hair at her temple. His hand began to stroke her arm again. “He knew your weakness,” he rumbled.
Amelia nodded, her nose just brushing the soft skin at the side of Leo’s neck. Her hand slid up to hook over his opposite shoulder, and she let her eyes close. It felt so good to be in his arms, and surprisingly, it felt even better to unburden herself of these truths.
She’d told her friends, of course, and been met with outrage and denials. But there was something nice about telling Leo. He just let her speak, let her explain.
Amelia swallowed. “So, that’s how it started. He said I was bad at kissing. He’d tell me that he didn’t like the taste of me, you know, downthere, so he stopped going down on me. He said I was too wet, but then if he touched me when I wasn’t turned on, he’d complain that I was too dry. He nitpicked my body. He’d ask me for blowjobs and then complain that I wasn’t as good as his ex. He’d want to get really rough, but I didn’t like it, and he’d complain about that too. He said a lot of stuff, and I guess they grew roots inside me and now it’s hard not to think they’re true, especially considering how disastrous my dating life has been since we broke up.” Memories swarmed her, and Amelia kept her eyes closed. “In my head, I know he was an abusive asshole. I went to a counselor and that helped a bit, but I still just feel so awkward around guys. And I think it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy now. I think I’m bad at sex therefore I become bad at sex. I’m so ashamed of it, and I’m ashamed that my stupid ex-boyfriend still has this much control over me. We broke up six years ago, Leo. I should be over it by now.”
