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“No.” Lio’s words cut through the memory. “You will not relive this.”
His thelemancy blasted outward all around her, pushing back the fabric of her past reality. The sound of her own screams receded. He took her in his arms, lifting her out of the shredded straps, and slid her spade into her hand.
He carried her out of the sickroom and knelt in her garden, holding her on his lap. She was too weak to move, her throat in agony. There was nothing inside her. No magic. No emotion. No Cassia.
“He took it from me.” She sounded as hoarse as Miranda. “It’s been gone all this time.”
Lio rocked her, pressing his forehead to hers. “My Grace. Your grief runs in my veins.”
She lay limp in his arms and let him mourn. She had no tears left. He stroked her face, her hair, as if trying to put her back together. But she was broken beyond repair.
“I remember the bodies now,” she said. “The epidemic never happened. Essential displacement requires human sacrifice. And I had so much magic that it took every soul at Paradum. Every person here died because of me.”
“Oh, Cassia.”
“If I’d chosen to serve him, I could have saved them. But he would have made me harm Hesperines.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong, my Grace. You made the only heroic choice you could. You fought him until the last.”
She looked around her at her garden. It was nothing but barren soil. Pulling breath into her chest took so much effort.
“I am no hero,” she said.
“Don’t you dare give up now!” Lio cupped her face in his hand and held her gaze. His fangs were fully unsheathed and tipped with his own blood. He held his wrist out before her. “Drink.”
The aroma of his lifeblood banished her numbness. Her belly burned with hunger. But with the return of feeling came her shame. “Your blood is so pure. Don’t sully it on me.”
“You think I’m a hero, Cassia? I couldn’t save Pakhne. But I will save you. Drink!”
Castra Paradum was crumbling around them, her memories turning to rubble and fog. The power in her blood was fading. If she didn’t drink more now, it would be too late.
Lio could feel it approaching. The End. The moment in her Gifting when her visions would break—or she would die.
It couldn’t end like this.
After everything they had survived together, Lio could not let his Grace slip away in his arms, when the Gift was right here in his blood.
She reached up and touched his face. “Lio. I don’t want to do this to you.”
He wanted to beg her to Drink for his sake. If he pleaded for his own life, she might ignore her guilt and grief. But he knew that was wrong. “You can’t stay for me. You must stay for you. If you can’t bear to live without your magic, then I will understand. And I’ll still be with you every step, all the way to Sanctuary.”
She trailed her finger down his bloody fang. “I don’t deserve you.”
“You deserve everything. Nights around the Ritual circle with family who love you. Greenhouses full of flowers to make you smile. Real freedom to choose your path. Real immortality. You deserve to feel safe and whole forever.”
She slid her hand down his chest, her touch so weak he could barely feel it. “I wanted all of that so much.”
“That is what you chose, Cassia! Not the Collector. You chose Hespera.”
“I tried so hard to do the right thing. Why did that only hurt more people?”
“It’s not your fault. You have to forgive yourself.”
She searched his face. “I don’t know how. How do I forgive myself, after everything that’s happened?”
Lio opened his mouth, ready to find the most persuasive speech of his life, if talking her back from death was what it took. But no words came to him.
He didn’t know. He still had not learned how to forgive himself, either.
