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“I’m not sorry,” I dare to say. “You were being protective and hardheaded.”
“And I will always be,” he growls, still not looking at me.
The rest of the car ride is quiet on the drive home. Gianni is speeding and the roar of the engine is all that can be heard even over my thundering thoughts. I like how protective Ari is. I like that the thought of anyone hurting me sends him into a manic beast.
The longer the silence between us goes on, the more my desire for Ari heightens. His anger is directed not only at Bianchi but at me because defying him is something no one else does. As I look out the window, headlights from the other side of the road blind me for a second before adjusting to the night again.
I think back to the way Ari protected me, placing himself in front of me as if he was a bulletproof shield. He’d never be able to protect me from such violence. Not really. If a bullet went through him to get to me, the pain I’d feel from losing Ari would outweigh any sting of any weapon. He wouldn’t be able to protect me from that.
It’s scary how fast I’ve fallen for a man I’m supposed to hate. In such a short amount of time, I’ve gone from wishing he was dead to hoping he never dies.
The heart can be so confusing when it comes to love and hate. Is there really such a difference between the two? Both lead to pain and death. Both lead down roads of torment, but only one path didn’t stop at a dead end.
There’s a real possibility I’ll be dead in three days. Ari won’t ever accept that. In his eyes, three days meant time to plan and prep to kill Bianchi and everything he stood for, so his enemy didn’t get the chance to even touch me.
The car came to a stop, and I blinked my thoughts away, noticing we are already home. I don’t remember the ride. Gianni’s eyes peek into the rearview mirror and his gaze is questionable, sensing the tension between Ari and me.
Ari steps out into the dark and the stars in the night sky twinkle behind him. They shine so brightly; the light illuminates the hard edge of his jaw and how tight his teeth are clenched.
He’s furious, but still, he holds out his hand to help me out of the car.
I take it, wanting nothing more than to be close to him in some way, in any way he will have me. When I’m out of the car, that’s when the gentleman in him retreats and he lets go of me, walking away from me. I’m left staring at his back and when he opens the front door, he leaves it agape for anyone to enter.
“He’ll come around.” Gianni slams the car door as he gets out. “The one thing that makes Ari so different than Carmine is Ari feels deeper, even if he denies it. He wears his heart on his sleeve and he doesn’t fool anyone the way he seems to fool himself. Give him time, he’ll come around. He’s…processing. He’s planning. He’s worrying but he will find a way to protect you. Go to him.”
“I don’t think he wants me around,” I say carefully as if there are eggshells around me that I’m afraid of breaking.
“He always wants you around. Never question that. He doesn’t want me around or his twin, but you? He’ll always welcome you, Rosie.”
“He’s mad.”
He nods, not trying to make me feel better. “He is, but he isn’t mad at you. He’s mad at the situation.”
I know one thing that Gianni doesn’t.
Ari is mad at me, but in a different way because I broke the mutual agreement.
We are not to curse at one another, and I called him an asshole. If I remember correctly, he said he would bend me over his lap and spank me.
I’m not sure he would, but the threat sends a spark of curiosity down my spine. I don’t think I’d like it, but I also think he knows that. I don’t want to give up that much control to someone and I’m not a fan of pain, but if it is something he wants to try, then I’m willing to try anything with him.
“Have a good night, Gianni. And thank you for everything,” I tell him, giving him a quick hug.
“You’re welcome. And don’t worry,, no harm will come to you.” He narrows his eyes as he tugs on the straightened strand. “I like it better curly, just so you know.”
I chuckle with exhaustion. “Me too. This is too much to keep up with.”
I head into the house just as the second car pulls into the driveway and Matias gets out of the front seat. I wave at him before stepping into the house. It’s dark, quiet, and the only hint that someone is inside, is the faint glow of the bedroom light casting down the hallway.
I follow it and notice the door is cracked, explaining why the light is so faint. When I push it open, I hear the spray of the shower. Steam rolls into the bedroom from the bathroom giving the air a humid feel.
I shut the door, locking it so no one could burst in and interrupt us.
I’m nervous. I haven’t initiated anything. Sex has been mutual, but I’ve never been the one to go to him for pleasure. I want to tonight. My body is alive for him. It burns for him. My nerves feel raw and bare and the only way they can be soothed is if I feel his touch.
We have an agreement. He keeps me safe. I give him a baby. While I haven’t been able to fulfill my end of the contract yet because it’s too early, I want to, and the urge to give him, us, a child, to be a family is what I want. I want to drown myself in the fantasy of it because no matter how much reassurance he gives me, I might die in three days.
And Ari is the closest thing to family that I’ve had in a long time, minus my brother. If I want to be honest, the moment he can come home, he’ll be a part of this family. The one Ari has created here for me, for us, because while how we came together isn’t traditional, I think I’m meant to be here. This is where my brother and I belonged.
