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Meals to Malachi hadn’t stopped and they never would as long as I lived on the property. Along with each one was a note just like the one I was penning. Lately, as my feelings for him deepened, they grew in length. Shamelessly, I continued to confess my unwavering aching for something more with a man that had devoured my attention from the moment we met.
Malachi,
Come back to me. And, not just for a while. Come back to me forever. For good. For a lifetime.
I’m finding myself falling deeper and deeper into oblivion, knowing that there’s a man deep inside of the shell of a man I’ve been witnessing who will save me… save my heart… save my soul.
It’s yours to have. I’m yours to have. I can’t comprehend how that hasn’t been made clear to you. Am I not doing a good enough job showing you?
I know who you are and I know who you have the potential to be. You’re such a light in this world, in the lives of the people you love… dim yourself no longer.
Light up, Malachi. Come out, Malachi. Stop hiding, Malachi. I know it hurts. It must hurt so bad.
A
I can’t imagine the pain you must be in. But, you can’t stop living, too. It defeats the purpose of the breath in your body and the blood in your veins.
Wake up, Malachi. The world is waiting. I’m waiting. Your daughter is waiting. Your family is waiting. Wake up.
I placed the pen beside the pad, considering tossing the entire letter in the trash. Undoubtedly, I’d fallen for a man’s potential, fallen for the man he used to be before his wife’s untimely death. The visions of his light, the dreams of his tenderness had me in a chokehold.
I had to witness those parts of him, and in real time, not behind closed lids. I wanted to see the better version of Malachi with my eyes wide open so that I could love him until he felt as little pain as possible from his broken heart.
Because that version of him wouldn’t come overnight, I’d appreciate and learn to love the one I’d stumbled upon. He, too, was beautiful, although bruised and banged up. With some caretaking, he would be just fine.
Upon standing to my feet, my nipples brushed against the loose fabric of my dress. Painfully, they hardened, drawing my hands to them as I massaged through the agony. My period was approaching, making it incredibly obvious that I was in for an emotional rollercoaster. The long, expressive notes I’d been writing the last few nights was evidence enough that I was PMSing hard.
Closing my eyes as I massaged away the pain, I was met with big, round eyes and brown skin. A smile crossed my lips as they looked up at me.
She’s all mine, I thought, still unable to believe God had gifted me something so precious.
Her lips wrapped around my right breast as she fondled the left with her tiny fingers. It was a coping mechanism and a sign that sleep was near. She’d had an eventful evening, spending time with Malachi while I rested for the better half of the day.
“You’re special, baby girl.”
Every chance I got, I filled her little head with affirmations. It was imperative to begin doing the work in girls while they were still young. Confidence was key in successful women. Without it, the world would eat you alive as a woman. It was almost built to tear us down. The building began at home and as early as possible.
“You’re going to grow up to be such an amazing girl. Remember that Mommy loves you, Aussie. Always. Every day.”
My eyelids stretched, welcoming me back to reality.
“Aussie,” I wept. “Aussie.”
Leaning over and placing my hands on the table, I tried stabilizing my erratic breathing.
Aussie.
How precious?
Aussie.
Oh my God.
Finally.
One thought after another came rolling in. After weeks of caring for this brown-skinned beauty in every dream and every vision, her name finally fell from my lips.
Aussie.
