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There was something about her willingness to see the greater version of me through the withered version I was that made me sure of her, sure of her intentions, and sure of her heart.
“The colors,” I reminded her, deflecting. The intensity of the moment left us both in spaces it would be hard to come up from if we continued to travel the distance.
“The colors.”
She snapped out of it, tapping the spacebar and lighting the screen again.
* * *
With full belliesand cheeks that hurt from laughter, we stood at the sink. There was a simple but effective system in place. I cleaned the dishes we’d eaten from and Aeir dried them before putting them in the cabinet beside her.
“And she tells this nigga that Daddy said not to keep grown men secrets.”
“Stop!”
“Dead ass, Aeir. You should’ve saw the look on his face, baby.”
“Well, it is true.”
“Yeah. She knows it and so does he.”
“You must’ve been so happy to see him. After everything, ya know.”
“Elated. Relieved. Angry. Every emotion possible, I felt.”
“The anger, from where did it surface?”
“Mercer is big bro. He’s always been there. When I got into my first fight, he was there. When I got my first broken bone, he was there. When our mother killed our father and then killed herself, he was there. When Anna was murdered, he wasn’t there. Every milestone, he’s been there. The time I really, really needed him—”
“He wasn’t there.”
“I understood the circumstances but I’m human. The resentment didn’t give a damn about the circumstances.”
“Does he know?”
“He knows. He always knows. He knows every-fucking-thing. At one point, they claimed I did, too, but for the last couple of years, I haven’t known shit but hurt and pain.”
“Sometimes that’s okay.”
“Nah, Aeir. This type of hurt and pain, it’s not okay. Not for me or anyone. It’s the type that makes you feel like you’re underwater, drowning but knowing you’ll survive.”
“I can’t imagine.”
“Don’t ever, because that might hurt, too.”
“Have you talked to Mercer since?”
“Nah. I’m letting him get settled in. When the time comes, we’ll connect.”
“What about Makai?”
“My grandfather came by the other day. Besides the two knuckleheads that came over today, he’s the only person I’ve seen since you got here. They’re respectful of my space and I appreciate that. Before you came along, it was just me and Aussie, every day, all day.”
Agonized eyes dropped their gaze, shifting their path and resting anywhere but on me. Taking note of the sadness that I’d been witnessing in spells over the last two days, I chose to address it.
“What’s the matter? What’s with the sad eyes? I’ve been seeing them quite often over the last two days. Talk to me.”
“It’s nothing,” she told me, still avoiding my eyes.
