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“Does it look like I have anywhere to be, Aeir?”
Sighing, I glared in the distance, past his handsome face and into the open air. I chose my words carefully, not wanting to make my mother more of a villain than she truly was. However, I couldn’t deny the pain she’d caused me.
“She gave up on me,” I rushed out before pushing more food into my mouth.
“Elaborate.”
“She insisted on pulling the plug.”
His brows hiked, though the rest of his features remained neutral.
“But Jae fought to keep me alive, eventually obtaining power of attorney over me during my state. Because of her, and only because of her, I’m still alive.”
Anna had played her part in my continuation of life, but even after she’d given me life, my mother was ready to take it away. Jae’s persistence was the key factor.
“Remind me to send Jae on a shopping spree, pay her bills up for the year, or something.”
“She’s my angel on earth.”
“How’d that make you feel, finding out your mother was convinced it was time to end your struggle?”
“It hurts. I’ve said little to nothing to her since I opened my eyes.”
“So, she lost you anyway?”
“As much as I hate to admit it, it feels that way.”
“Do you mind me sharing my opinion on the situation? I’m prepared to shut the fuck up if you don’t care to hear it.”
Chuckling, I nodded. “I’m listening, Malachi. I’d love the shedding of light on the situation from someone unbiased.”
“The look in Anna’s mother’s eyes makes my stomach flip. She’s living, but she’s numb, dead inside. Losing her only daughter, it ripped her to pieces. Every day, she fights through and paints on a face to hide the pain that just can’t be concealed. Her eyes, they always reveal what her heart is feeling. The smile, there’s pain behind it. The laughter, there’s pain behind it.
“Pain. Pain. Pain. It’s all I see looking at her. And I feel responsible for her pain and mine. It’s a heavy burden to bear. The love they shared was… it was indescribable. She was Anna’s best friend and vice versa. Had Anna been in your shoes, suffering in a hospital bed day and night with little signs of life, no brain activity, needing to be flipped often to avoid bedsores, wasting away, not responding to anything or anyone…
“I find it hard to believe that it would’ve hurt any less than she’s hurting right now. I find it hard to believe that she wouldn’t have considered ending it all. I find it hard to believe that the conversation wouldn’t have come up a few times. I find it hard to believe she wouldn’t have demanded I not let her daughter suffer any longer.
“And because she’d been with Anna since birth and meant her well, I would’ve considered her request. Because that’s what happens when you love someone. You’re willing to put your selfishness aside and sacrifice your discomfort to bring them comfort. So, instead of taking your mother’s actions for an act of lost faith, take them for what they were—sacrifices and selflessness. She was willing to bring you comfort, even if it meant a lifetime of discomfort for her.”
In silence, I allowed his words to penetrate. There was truth to them.
“She almost lost you once. Don’t make her live that reality if she doesn’t have to.”
Thank you, I mouthed, taking in everything he’d shared.
“Worry me,” he insisted, sensing there was something more on my heart.
“Nothing, Malachi. I… There’s just this feeling of completion that I am subjected to whenever you’re around. It scares me, but it feels too good to let fear get in the way of it, in the way of us.”
“Admittedly, I’m on the same shit, Aeir. Can I let you in on a little secret?”
“Um hm.”
“I’m scared shitless. I feel like I’m falling and falling fast. It’s as if you awakened something within me I didn’t know was there. You’re nourishing pieces of me I had no prior knowledge of. The day I heard your voice on that phone, I knew then. I knew.”
“You sure had a unique way of showing it.” I cackled.
“It was the guilt and the pain I was fighting. You happened to be a casualty. I won’t ever stop apologizing.”
