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“Then you shouldn’t have brought the topic up.” I shove aside her flat words. I’ve heard them so many times over the last three years they no longer faze me. Whatdoeshurt is not hearing from any of them since that night. I guess I deserve an Oscar for my performance since they bought it hook, line and the damn sinker too.
I try not to focus on the pain that has never faded. The deep-seated tendrils each of them buried inside me that night and have yet to cut loose. I feel like I’ve been in limbo, unable to move forward or go back. Even as I sit here verbally sparring over video chat with the ice queen, I can feel an invisible tug.
In my dreams I fall into their arms, feel their loving caresses and hear their endearing names for me. But when I wake the cold, hard truth washes it all away and I’m left empty come morning.
Over and over again.
That feeling of emptiness has morphed into something almost unbearable and it has robbed me of so much. At times, I have to wonder if they were all a dream.
“You never could let a grudge go. Just like your father.”
It doesn’t happen often but every once in a blue moon my mother mentions her one weakness, ironically someone who actually broke past that cold exterior long enough for her to get pregnant with me.
“Look, do you want a pushover flower child taking over this company or do you want a bitch that knows how to use her words? Besides, you don’t have to like me to know I’ll get the job done. Otherwise, you would have picked that old prick Gabriel Brighten who is always trying to stir up trouble among the board members.”
My mother’s face twitches with what I think might be a smile but no dice. “Now there’s the daughter I raised. A real spitfire. Maybe some good came from that night after all.”
Not really. She sees what she wants to see. At least I was on birth control at the time. Or, a baby would be involved in this horrendous nightmare I keep reliving.
My mother is a cold bitch that never used a foul word to express her cold outlook on life. She’d rather let her actions speak for her.
Me, I like words.
“I still don’t know why you need time away before stepping into your new role. It doesn’t seem particularly hard when it’s being handed to you.”
I’ve had a lot of practice to perfect my ice-coldI don’t give a fuck about youface. I learned from the best. I slip it on now and I feel a rush of adrenaline spike my blood. “Never have I taken anything from you. I’ve worked my way up from the bottom. Just like you wanted. You can keep your silver platter to your damn self.”
“There’s the cold, ruthless Thorne I want at the helm. Wonder if you had too much ofhimin you.”
For a brief moment I see the facade of a corporate shark fade to reveal a woman in pain. Then the teeth are back and I’m dodging from getting another bite taken from hide.
“Always pining over those perverts I saved you from, just like your father. Come to think about it, you both are too soft.” I’m not sure if she meant for me to hear that or not—she has a forlorn look to her eyes and she’s staring off in the distance like I’m not on the other end of our video chat. But thanks to technology the microphone does an excellent job of grabbing each muttered word.
“Those perverts saved me from getting raped or worse. If nothing else at least be grateful for that.” I don’t pause. I just blast right through what I have to say so I can get the hell off the line already. “I’ll have the Taylor and Bradshaw contract on your desk signed and delivered one week after my return. Don’t bother tracking me down. I’m going off-grid. Now I have to go, Mother. We’ll talk soon.”
I hit end on the call and feel a petty satisfaction in taking the upper hand in our brisk conversation. My stars must be aligned or I must have tickled Fate’s fancy for the first time in a long while given how often the occurrence happens.
Another ping on my phone comes through; this time it’s the car service I hired to pick me up. I make my way down to the lobby and slip into the waiting car and sink against the plush gray leather. I welcome the cool interior, happy when the door closes to lock out the world. I don’t bother with the directions since Kandy already provided all the necessary details beforehand.
“Ready, Ms. Thorne?”
“Yes, thank you.”
My heart lurches in my chest as the driver pulls the car into late evening traffic. I’m really going through with this. Out of habit I keep all my emotions off my face but inside. Inside I’m the young woman from three years ago who had hopes, stupid as they were.
I need this, I tell myself for the millionth time in the last two weeks of planning the event. For too long I have held myself back. One excuse after another. Now I have the promotion to chairman and CEO on my shoulders, my mother fully stepping back from Thorne Tech within the year. It’s now or never.
All my dreams are aligning yet I feel void. A chill sweeps over me, and I know it’s from the lie sitting in my thoughts. Mydreamswere cut out of me long ago. Now I just needed to find a way to live the life I have left. Empty as it is.
What did they do to me? Why can’t I seem to break away? What are all these emotions I feel? The pain? It feels more than what one person can carry inside. I rub at the crease between my brows. I can feel the pinch and a headache coming on. I don’t have any of the answers to a single question rolling around in my head.
I close my eyes, and I can feel the tethers snuggly wrapped around my heart tug. It’s a feeling of stepping off a cliff into a vast black hole of nothing. No safety net, no one there to catch me. I swear at night when I close my eyes and lie quietly in my dark room I can sense them nearby. The warmth of their bodies. Feel their emotions like they are my own. The night my mother ripped me away was the night I learned a lot about how truly dark the world around me can be and if I’m not careful, I’ll become as dead inside as my mother.
Seven
Seth
Islam back two fingers’ worth of bourbon and try to drown out the howls of fury snarling their disgust inside my chest. I swallow them down just like I’ve done for the past three years. The sounds echo through my brain. I shut that part of my brain off long enough to shake a few hands and do the customary back slapping with a few clients.
