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The thought pushed panic up my throat, and my head went woozy, unable to focus on the room around me. My legs weakened, and as I went to walk away from him, my foot caught against the bedframe, and the room shifted.
Before I could hit the floor, the pressure of Nikolai’s hands against my waist became blindingly apparent. I swallowed back my gasp, gazing up at him limply.
Nikolai looked like a god-sent angel then, painfully beautiful to witness. His brows were stitched together lightly with a worry-laced thread, eyes stormy like a turbulent ocean. His touch burned against my skin, yet it was so pleasing I didn’t want it to go away.
Even if I was still angry with him.
The jolt that traveled from his hands to my body catalyzed to bring the memories of our night together flooding back, striking me like a freight train. Each one of my organs turned to liquid, and I relaxed in his grasp against my best interest.
I swallowed harshly, unable to tear my eyes away. “That’s why I ran before. I didn’t know who you were, can’t you understand that?”
With his stare fixed on me, I thought I had imagined the way his features softened just enough for me to catch it, and his hand carefully stroked the small of my back.
For a moment, things felt normal between us. Almost good. A man consoling his faint betrothed, looking longingly at her.
The false image shattered the moment Nikolai regained his senses and straightened me up, only to push away. He ran a hand over his mouth and shook his head, taking a few steps away. His hand rested on his hip pensively.
He made it seem like touching me was unbearable. Like I had seeped a toxin into his palms, poisoning his skin for life. Surely to him, I was nothing but poison now.
It was hard to believe he had been excited to see me not too long ago. Before he knew about Kat, and before he knew I was meant to be his bride. The thought made me shudder, knowing my husband would despise me.
Awkward tension hung in the air around us, and I clenched my arms around myself to try and soothe this discomfort away. I hated how tainted everything felt.
“When is Kat’s birthday?” Nikolai asked gruffly, throwing a glance over his shoulder. “I should know these things.”
Words didn’t want to escape my mouth, but I forced them to rise to the surface. I croaked, “May sixth.”
Nikolai made a sound of acknowledgment, then wordlessly, he turned and stormed out of the suite, not sparing me another look.
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, but I fought against them.
I felt impossibly helpless there, trapped, and unable to make the decisions I wanted to as a mother. I had so much isolation, loneliness, and anger for being stuck like a caged animal built up inside myself that I wanted nothing more than to break and cry until I had nothing left. But I couldn’t.
I had to keep myself calm for Kat. While it felt like being locked away in a personal prison, I had my daughter with me at the very least. It was enough to keep me grounded and sane.
Rubbing the beginning of tears away, I took in and released a deep breath, straightening myself out. I closed the photo albums and put them away, not needing to pry into Nikolai’s childhood any longer.
I would see enough of his face soon enough, even if it hurt to know that I lied to him, and he hated me for deceiving him.
We didn’t have much longer to wait. I had to get myself and Kat ready for the wedding in a few hours, whether I liked it or not.
I could kiss my freedom goodbye.
Chapter 6 - Nikolai
Hot water poured down from the faucet above my head, scalding my skin until it nearly glowed. I didn’t care about how it stung, not while I could only think about Mila and how careless I had been.
My anger for her still simmered beneath my skin, only making matters worse, but I couldn’t help it. Despite how irritated I was by even the sight of her, I had allowed myself to slip in front of her.
Those old emotions had crept to the surface, manifesting as a caring hand beneath her back. A gentle touch, like an ode to our night together. The part of me that wanted Mila more than anything. Before I knew she was a liar and my betrothed.
I had to leave the suite before I got in over my head.
Because even if I loathed her, the version of me that cared for her and desired to see her body beneath mine again was still very much alive inside of me. There was no quelling that passion, even if she had hurt me in a way nobody else had.
I hated even more that I understood why she did it. Raising a child in the middle of a Bratva war was not optimal, yet it was a way of life. It came with the territory. And mobsters needed heirs.
Regardless of her reasoning, I was still pissed that she kept Kat from me. I had missed several years of her life, all because Mila ran.
