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Kira locked her gaze on me, as if she could hear what Ivan said. “Find someone else,” I told him.
Ivan swore. “Do you think I haven’t tried?”
I swore right back at him, but knew I had to go. If there was a hole in their security set up, one of my brothers could get hurt or killed. I could aim a gun as well as any of them or their men, and I would have risked my reputation sooner than one of my brothers’ lives.
“When?” I asked.
“Now. As soon as you can get here. I’ll need to brief you before the shipment arrives.”
Kira’s eyes were wide and sparkling, as if tears were about to fall. I reached across the table for her hand but she subtly slid it away, never taking those sorrowful eyes off of me.
“Fine.” I ended the call and took a deep breath to explain that I had to go, but find a way not to tell her where.
“Don’t,” she pleaded. “Let them deal with it on their own.”
“What do you know about it?” I asked.
“What does it matter? It’s something you don’t want to do. Something dangerous. Please, Yuri.”
I wanted to brush off her fears, but there had to be some grave reason that the man whose spot I was taking suddenly wasn’t available. It wasn’t the kind of job where one just called in sick at the last minute. Were things already going south with the plan?
“I’ll meet up with them and be back before you know it.”
She shook her head, one of those dreaded tears rolling down her cheek. My heart twisted. “Can’t it just be us? Call him back and refuse, cut ties if you have to. Let’s get on a boat and never look back.”
She seemed terrified, or like something was tearing her in two. My insides felt the same. “I can’t do that. You know I can’t.”
She swiped at her tears and her face went flat, emotionless. One second she was imploring me to choose her, the next she was cutting me off. She still wouldn’t let me take her hand. “Kira, I don’t want to fight with you, not right before I have to do this.”
“Because you might not return.”
“Kira, stop,” I said more harshly than I meant to. “It’s a meeting, nothing more, and I don’t have time for this.” I also realized I didn’t have time to drive her home and then all the way out to the port if Ivan wanted me there as soon as possible. “Damn it. Let me try to get Theresa to come and pick you up. But then I don’t have time to wait for her to get here, either.”
Now there was pure rage in her eyes. “You still don’t trust me enough to let me get a cab home?” To my surprise, she reached for me and grabbed my hand. “Take me with you. I know how to stay out of sight and be quiet.”
Her desperation almost made me consider it. Almost. “Hell no. Absolutely not.” Terror that she might be hurt or worse overrode the need to please her. “But of course, you can take a cab. I was stupid not to think of it.”
She slumped in her chair, hardly responding when I pressed my credit card against her palm to pay the driver, then told her the restaurant’s host would call one for her. I had to go.
She followed me listlessly to the front of the restaurant where we waited for the valet to bring my car around. As it pulled up, she wrapped her arms around my neck in a death grip.
Something was definitely eating her alive.
“Please don’t worry,” I said into her neck as I slid my arms around her waist and pulled her close. She held on so long I had to finally peel away from her, taking the keys from the valet.
I leaned down to kiss her, and she grabbed my face, looking deep into my eyes. “Stay safe, Yuri… and, thank you.”
She watched me get in the car and when I pulled away and looked in the rearview mirror she was still staring at me, as if taking her eyes off me would make me disappear forever. It broke my heart, but I had to get my head in the game so I wouldn’t screw up tonight. So I could get back to her and tell her the things I didn’t get the chance to at dinner.
Chapter 16 - Kira
It was all I could do to keep from crying as I watched Yuri drive away. Ugh, how did he bring out all these unwanted feelings, making me completely lose control. I didn’t know what came over me, all but begging him to choose me and not the only life he knew. He loved his life, not me. And why did it hurt so much? I was over him, I fought to be over him. Our forced interlude was not real, and I had to remember that. But it was so, so hard.
I stood back and waited for my cab, hugging my arms around myself despite the heat of the evening. His rejection had turned me as cold as if a sudden downpour of rain had drenched me. It had been crazy to think Yuri and I could have a real life together, crazier of me to try to get him to agree to leaving our families behind and starting over with only each other.
Of course he would never do that. He would never give up his responsibilities for me because I was his wife in name only. Thinking I might have been the most important thing to him made the tears impossible to hold back. My heart hurt more than when he first dumped me, something I didn’t think was possible. It was a long shot, I took it, and it failed. Now I had to get over him all over again.
“Get your head in the game,” I whispered. It had been a while since I talked to myself. But once again, I was alone. All I had left was my original plan to destroy my father.
