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I’m on my feet right away, pacing my bedroom. Any second, my restless thoughts tell me Mom’s going to barge in here with the most vicious expression on her face and the wordhateon her tongue.
I don’t know. I wish I could say I had to, but the secrecy was eating me up.
How did he take it?
He refused to speak about it, but I could tell he looked at me differently.
What if he tells Mom?
Jax doesn’t respond immediately, giving me plenty of time to pace and worry. As if I needed another sign that this has to end, another sign that we went too far the first time we exchanged a text.
Jax is doing his type-delete-type thing, the three dots appearing and then vanishing as I dread his response, dread the reality in which Mom knows about us.
CHAPTER12
Jaxson
I’m on my balcony, breathing in the bracing air. It’s late afternoon, the sun still shining, but it’s cooler up here, my vantage point where I can look across the city toward Zoey’s neighborhood.
My manhood doesn’t care about her latest text where she asks if Peter will tell Mallory about us. All my body cares about is the wordvirgin. I became solid the second I read it. It was a white-knuckle feat not to tell her why the revelation makes me want her more. She’s a virgin, which means no other man has ever touched her the wayIwill. No other man ever will touch her, either. As soon as I saw her, I knew she belonged to me, only me, and this solidifies it.
Does that mean I should tell her what happened between her mom and me? I can’t. It’s not my place, dammit.
I don’t think he’ll tell her,I reply.Not until we’ve talked about it. It’s not his style.
Great, that fills me with confidence.I smirk as I imagine her sarcastic, sassy tone.I wish you’d spoken to me before you told him.
I should have,I reply. It’s difficult to explain why I had to share it.
Then why didn’t you?
I sigh and lean against the balcony railing, looking down at the city. This is usually my spot for writing breaks. I’ll let my head clear, and my thoughts drift.
Normally, I can rely on this process. My thoughts will drift to work, the characters, and the plot. Now I’m wondering if that’s because I never had my own things to worry about, my own life, my own woman. Now, she’s all I can think about. The crazy thing is, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Jax?
Keeping it in felt like letting something gnaw away at me,I type.Remember, Peter and I were both close with your dad. We both knew him how you could only know somebody when you’ve served with them. Now I’ve kissed his daughter, kissed you. I can’t explain it any better than that.
She takes a while to respond, leaving me pacing the balcony, my fists clenched at my sides, not in anger. There’s no rage trying to bubble out of me. It’s something else, a feeling I’ve never experienced before. Nerves, I realize, a very specific type—the type that tells me I might have ended the most important relationship in my life.
I get it,she replies, and I let out a long breath.I told my friend Natasha, but I trust her not to tell Mom.
If your mom finds out, we’ll have to make a choice. Are we in this for the real thing or a fling? How far do we want to take this heat?
Deleting the message is the right thing to do, but it also feels odd.
As I said, I highly doubt Peter would do that without talking to me first.
Maybe this is my chance to give you the silent treatment,she replies,but I don’t think I could. Texting you is the happiest I’ve been in a long time.
You’re not happy usually?I ask, dropping into the chair, wishing she was beside me.
I’m not sure. I’ve spent my life so anxious, so in my head. It’s good for writing. It means I have to retreat from regular life and put my dreams, hopes, and everything else into my characters. I know that probably sounds pretentious coming from a twenty-year-old.
It doesn’t. It sounds like you, Zoey. You don’t have to apologize for being you or explain yourself.
Thank you,she replies.With you, I feel different. I feel seen, no longer invisible.
