AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He shook his head and tried to pull his hands back, but she held firm as she looked at him, her eyes begging him to give her this.
She had no idea what she was asking for, as his mind was so much more than just a nightmare. It was an indescribable horror, and he wanted her safe from it. From him. He did not want his past to stain her as it had him. He wanted none of it to touch her.
Everything about her was pristine in his eyes and he was nothing but an inky black stain that should any of it touch her soul would take over like a parasite. She deserved more than that.
More than him.
“No,” he whispered and tried again to pull back, but he could see she would not give in easily. She was using her power to hold him there just as much as her hands were.
“You have no idea what you are asking of me.”
“I do…” she started.
“No, you don’t. Leave it alone, Persephone. Don’t open this door because it will never shut again. Leave me alone and let me go before I cause any more problems. I doubt what happened in Halcyon is the last of it, or even the worst. Just. Let. Me. Go.” His voice grew in panic, as his body screamed its agitation. He was a wounded animal, cornered and terrified.
“No. Not until you give me this. Then you can go anywhere you want. You don’t have to see me ever again, but please, give me this. “
“Let me drink from the Lethe River,” he pleaded. “Then I can forget! Then it won’t be a problem any longer. None of it!”
“It doesn’t work that way! You don’t get to pick and choose memories to forget! You lose everything!” she yelled, her eyes begging him to understand. “Just tell me! I already know a little from when I took your soul but…”
“No, you don’t get it,” his voice hoarse, his hands finally pulled free from her, but just as fast she grabbed them back. He knew she called on more power as he watched it flow over them, the blue light and shadows covering them.
“Then tell me!” she demanded resolutely, looking straight into his eyes.
He watched her as he finally gave in.
She wanted this?
Then she could have it.
Once she saw his dark side, she would have no issues letting him walk back through those gates and far away from here.
All his emotional turmoil being pulled from him into her, he let down the wall and felt it flood from him. Her body jolted, but he kept pushing the memories and the emotions to the surface.
A tear leaked from her left eye, but it was too late. No putting it all back in now.
“I fucking hated myself. I still hate myself! My thoughts were scattered on a good day. I could not focus or concentrate. It was a deep, burning pain that was always there, but you just had to numb yourself. Not knowing what a relief it would be to not live with the pain because that was just how it was. You dealt. You moved on. You just tried to survive.
“That is what I did, I survived. I survived the new jobs I had to do, the ones that made my skin crawl. The ones that kept me up at night and had me crying in the shower like a newborn after. The ones that made me mentally blink out, my mind going blank in an effort to not feel, because if I did, it was over for me and everyone around me. I was a ticking time bomb.
“I could not look in the mirror for weeks after an assignment, because all I saw was a monster. I wanted to rip my own fucking heart out and rid the world of the dark stain that was me. I just wanted the pain, the nightmares, everything to end, but nothing numbed the pain anymore. Nothing. Not alcohol or drugs or sex. I was a haunted shell of a human being who killed people and abandoned the ones who cared about me.
“My father died thinking I was a hero when I was just a monster, and I couldn’t go home to tell him because I was an enemy to my people. An enemy for the one good choice I made in my career. The one time I helped people and my reward was exile. Can you imagine? Of course not. I could not look him in the eyes to tell him and his punishment for me being his child was he died alone, without me, and I get to carry that guilt forever!” He yelled, hitting his chest with his fist, “I have to carry that guilt. You look at me and see someone screaming for help. Sad and damaged, and you want to help me. Why do you not realize there is no fucking help for me?” He pulled at his hair, walking away then back again towards her. Her eyes were blue and glowed bright as she grabbed his shoulders to halt him in his pacing. He felt the rage increasing with every second, the fury at his vulnerability, and started to scream it all again at her, his spittle flying..
“I was meant to be this way! Those cards were dealt the day my mother brought me into this world. Maybe that was why she left, she saw me for what I was, and would be, well before I took my first breath. I don’t blame her one bit if that is why. Not one bit. I deserve this Persephone, so let me have this. Let me own this pain, because if I learned anything from being Devon, it was that there is no help for me. I was born for pain and punishment. I can bleed and bleed, but never will my soul be clean. Never. I am a monster. A demon. A blight on everything I touch.” His voice ended on a ragged breath, his eyes full of tears, and his body worn from the emotional turmoil.
His entire body shook, and as his knees gave out, Persephone pulled him into her arms, him far too weak to struggle or pull away.
He needed this. He didn’t deserve it but needed it, nonetheless.
“You have no idea what you are.” Her voice left no leeway for him to argue as she held him in her arms. “You didn’t choose to be a mercenary. I know enough from your soul for that. Yes, you’ve always been a soldier, a warrior, but mercenary was the hand you were dealt because of your situation.
“You wonder why it bothered you that you were unable to deny the emotions taking a life held. It is because you were more than what you thought. Most mercenaries are not human.” His eyes widened, but she did not allow him to interrupt.
“They are people who’ve been killed, soldiers who die on the battlefield, and somehow their souls do not completely detach, or Death does not come for them. They hold half of their soul, and it is no longer part of them as it was you. They know nothing, feel nothing, more than the urge to hunt. They are physical shades, hunters, and they are dangerous if left to their own devices.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head against her shoulder while she rocked them in her arms.
