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“Stop saying that. You’re not pathetic.”
“I traded away my soul for a life of luxury.”
“For safety,” I correct her.
Celine winks at me. “And a little bit of luxury.”
I return her smile with a shy one of my own. “You deserve so much better,” I say. “You deserve to have a family with a man who wants you foryou. Who wants to whisper sweet nothings and take you to bed every night. Not just for procreation; just for shits and giggles. Because you look hot to him and he wants you, endlessly.”
This time, when she laughs, it actually feels real. For the first time, she sounds like she means it.
“At this rate, I’ve forgotten what it feels like to have a man inside me.”
I wince a little, if only because I knowexactlyhow it feels to have Ilarion inside me. If it never happens again, I’ll still remember it to my dying day.
Celine notices the flinch and misinterprets. “Now, who’s the prude?” she teases.
I elbow her sheepishly. “I’m no prude. I just think that you could easily have a man if you wanted. In fact, there’s a man we both know who’d willingly volunteer for the honor.”
Celine narrows her eyes at me. “Not this again, Tay.”
“Here’s another question you’re not gonna like: do you have feelings for Ashton?”
If ever I’m going to get a straight answer out of her, this is the moment. Celine tilts her head to the side, and her hair falls across her profile, cloaking her expression from me.
“Celine?”
She looks at me through her long lashes. “What would it serve to admit that?” she asks. “Nothing can come of it.”
“You’re not married,” I point out. It’s a miracle I can even form the words; I’m still reeling from that revelation. “You’re allowed to pursue your feelings for Ashton. It’s what you want, Cee. It’s what he wants, too.”
“Ilarion?”
“Ashton!” And then I think it over. “Also, probably yes to Ilarion, too. If you’d just talk to him.”
Celine’s eyebrows stitch together. “Did he, um…did he tell you what happened between us?”
“Ashton? He mentioned there was a kiss.”
“Yeah. That. He caught me by surprise.”
“Does Ilarion know?”
“No! Of course not. I’m his…” She snorts out a laugh. “I’m his fake fiancée. Oh my god, I am dumb.”
“Are you, though?” I ask. Although I feel no less dumb. “You’ve been playing charades to save your life. But how long does it have to last?”
“I didn’t tell you all that to be judged, Taylor,” Celine snaps. Just like that, I get a whiff of the lioness she’s become over the years.
“I’m not judging you, Cee,” I say quickly, holding my hands up in self-defense. “I’m just trying to make sure that you’re happy.”
She holds my gaze for a moment, and I see something there that reminds me of Dad. The words she says next only make the resemblance that much stronger. “Happiness is overrated, Taylor. Sometimes, it’s more important to be safe. Ilarion offered me that. Safety, stability, comfort. It’s probably not the choice you would have made, but it’s the choice I did. Now, I have to live with it.”
I stare at Celine, but all I can see is our father, staring back at me through my sister’s eyes.
48
ILARION
