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It had everything to do with my own failures.
I watched her fade. I watched the light leave her eyes, bit by bit. I didn’t ask any of the right questions. I didn’t push for answers the way I should have.
Until the day I walked into her room and found her sobbing on the bed.
* * *
Her tears had soaked through the top sheet and her eyes were so swollen she could barely open them.
“Fucking hell, Mila,” I growled, rushing to her side. “What’s going on?”
She didn’t even hear me at first. I had to grab her shoulders, but the moment I touched her, she ripped herself away, her eyes wide with panic.
“Don’t touch me!” she screamed.
She froze when she realized that it was me. Then she just stared, her expression distant and distracted. Like she was seeing me, but she was having a hard time remembering who I was.
“Mila,” I said softly, trying not to make any sudden movements. “It’s me. Ilarion.” When she didn’t respond, I tried again. “It’s your brother.”
She blinked. Twin tears rolled down her cheeks. “I-Ilarion…”
“Talk to me. What the fuck is going on? I haven’t seen you in days and then I come up here and you’re in bed, bawling your eyes out. Did something happen?”
“S-something happened,” she stuttered. “Something’s been happening for years.”
She shook her head and sat up a little. She was wearing a loose tank top that revealed most of her neck and arms. I noticed the blotchiness on her skin. It looked like she had tried to peel the first layer right off.
When I reached out to examine her, she flinched back and let out a muted yelp. “Mila, did someone hurt you?”
She nodded silently.
“Who was it?”
She shook her head. “I can’t tell you. You won’t believe me.”
“Of course I’ll believe you. You’re my sister.”
“But he’s your father.”
There are some moments I will never forget. That is one of them. The gnawing in my gut, the ice down my spine. The way my legs went wobbly for the first time in my life.
I looked her in the eye. “What did he do?”
She shook her head. “I can’t tell you,” she said. “He’ll kill me if I do.”
“Mila—”
“There is something you can do for me, though,” she says, grabbing my hand. Her palms were sweaty and hot. “Kill me, Ilarion. Kill me before he does. He’s taken so much from me already. I don’t want to die at his hands, too.”
“Mila…” I said quietly, just to make sure she really heard me. “That will never happen.”
Her face crumbled. She released my hand and wilted where she sat. I kneeled on the bed with her and grabbed her shoulders. This time, when she cringed away from me, I ignored it.
“I need you to hear me now,” I told her. “Are you listening? Good. Yes, he is my father. He has taught me everything I know. But if it comes down to a choice, I will choose you over him in a heartbeat. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.”
She stared at me, her mouth falling open.
“Do you believe me?”
