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My skin felt clammy. I dropped to my knees and prayed to every deity I could think of and a few I was sure I’d made up. The chain that held the chandelier looked iffy. The creaking noise was not a good sign. I was certain I was watching my career die a violent death before it had truly begun.
“Holy shit,” Dwayne choked out. “I think he’s going down.”
“You think?” I asked in a pitch so high I wouldn’t have been surprised if a pack of stray dogs showed up.
The models below Zorro glanced up in horror as the chain came loose from the ceiling and my out-of-control buddy came crashing down onto the runway with a sickening thud. He stood up, glanced over at the front row of reality stars and promptly passed out.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the crowd went nuts. The clapping was thunderous.
“What the fuck is happening?” I gasped out.
All of the models followed Zorro’s lead and fainted in solidarity. It was a sea of fallen caftan soldiers.
“They think it’s part of the show,” Helen announced, downing a peach wine cooler. Bloody tears of joy ran down her pale face. “They’re loving it! Caftans by Johnson is a hit!”
I had no clue where she’d found a peach cooler. I’d only brought strawberry.
“Oh my,” Dwayne said, fanning himself and laughing. “Looks like Zorro forgot his panties.”
“WHAT?” I screamed.
“I can only see a partial ball,” Dwayne said, thinking that would calm me down.
It didn’t. “Helen, are you ready to take a bow?”
She downed the rest of the peach wine cooler and swiped at her bloody tears with the sleeve of her caftan. “Yep! Maybe you should do a little spell to keep me from sobbing, Johnson. I can feel a big cry coming on.”
The audience were on their collective feet chanting my name, and there was no time to think, so I didn’t.
Wiggling my fingers, I went for a spell on the fly.
“Goddess on High, hear my call.
Give Helen dry-eyes instead of cry-eyes, I request a small stall.
Please stop the sob till we get through with the job.
In a flood of blood, we would surely be a dud.
For the favor, I’ll be your best man and send you a caftan.
Thank you for your blessing, the matter is most pressing.
So mote it be.”
Helen tried to cry. Nada.
“It worked!” she squealed, grabbing my hand and pulling me onto the stage.
“Genius,” Dwayne yelled as Helen and I hit the runway. “The wizard for the win!”
I’d thought the crowd was thrilled two seconds ago… Now they were completely bonkers. My name was being chanted by reality stars, B-list movie stars and one mostly A-list TV star. It felt life-changing. My smile was so wide it hurt my cheeks.
“Yes!” Helen shouted, pumping her small fists over her head and making sobbing noises minus the bloody tears.
We took our bows and then assumed our poses.
That’s when the situation took a left when it should have taken a hard right.
